


Until You're Resting Here With Me

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cabin Fic, Canon Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malex, Mind Manipulation, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reconciliation, Shapeshifting, Short Chapters, Touching, Work In Progress, fourth alien - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-06-09 22:49:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19485601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: After their breakup at the drive in, Michael does something reckless and pays a price.Alex whisks him away to the cabin to recuperate but it'll take much more than a bandage to repair the damage to their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've *never* posted a WIP before and am not one hundred percent sure I should be doing so now. I'm super excited about this fic but am not expecting others to be as invested as I am (given the content). I started writing this back between episodes 4 & 5 which is why it started canon-compliant then quickly went off on its own tangent.

His room hadn’t changed in the ten years since he’d last left it; in any other home it would probably be comforting but not for Alex Manes. Faded band posters were peeling from the walls but they just reminded him of when he was younger and had put them up; even all these years later, he could still remember the feeling that had washed over him as he’d hung them up. His brothers had been the perfect soldier sons, down to the pictures on _their_ walls and the trophies on their shelves (the only trophy Alex had ever won never made it to any shelf as his father hadn’t deemed skateboarding something worthy). Even the posters on their walls were fitting to their future careers as Airmen but Alex had done all he could to rebel.

His father hated him; nothing he said or did would ever change that so in the end he’d done what would make him happy. His skateboarding and his music were his only escapes from the life he’d been dealt yet loathed. His only safe haven was Jim Valenti, who had looked out for him and tried to protect him from his father’s mercy. Despite his many failed attempts, Jim never stopped trying and Alex had never gotten to tell him just how much he’d appreciated it… especially after Jim’s son, Kyle, had turned on him not that Jim ever knew that. Alex never had the heart to tell Jim how Kyle had treated him by the end of high school.

On his return from Iraq, home to Roswell, where he’d been given a Hero’s welcome, he’d been further punished by being forced to live under his father’s roof once again and no longer having the guiding eye of Jim Valenti watching over him. Things had been tense between father and son, possibly even more so than before he’d gone away to war. He was an adult now and could fight back but he was also a soldier and he was conditioned to obey orders.

Moving in with his father had not been his choice but when Alex had returned, wounded yet mostly recovered, the town had celebrated his bravery and heroism and his father, not one to miss out on taking glory for himself, had declared that Alex would, of course, be coming home to completely recuperate. The entire town believed it would do him good to be surrounded by family and familiarity but that couldn’t be further from the truth… Being here just stirred up a lot of awful memories.

Now Alex was sitting on his bed, his leg stretched before him and his prosthetic on the floor beside him. In his hand was a letter and keychain from Jim Valenti. A lawyer had dropped it off for him just days after his return. The contents of the letter still tore at his heart; he wished he’d had one last chance to talk to Jim before he’d passed away, to ask why he’d left him the old hunting cabin; he assumed he knew the reason but it would have been nice to hear the words direct from him.

He turned the key over and over in his hand, just staring at it. He hadn’t been up to the cabin for years, had very mixed memories of time spent up there. From happier times with Kyle and their dads to not so great times, including the time his father had burned him with boiling water... Kyle still believed that incident to have been an accident but Alex had always known the truth.

Being home, under his father’s scrutiny, was already taking its toll on him and not just mentally. He turned the keychain over again and with his finger, traced the unusual pattern that looked somehow familiar. Maybe he needed to take some time off and go for a drive up to the cabin? Time away to clear his head could only do him good, right? It wouldn’t exactly be like he was running away or anything… Not that he had anything or anyone to run away from… He’d already run far enough. From Michael.

He closed his eyes to hold back his tears; he wasn’t going to cry. Not anymore. It wasn’t the first time he’d shed tears over Michael Guerin and it likely wasn’t going to be the last either. Something kept pulling them back to each other, despite their differences and how hard they tried to stay apart. Alex thought back, mere days ago, he’d woken up in the trailer at the junkyard with Michael and it had been the happiest he’d ever felt. Hands down, waking up in Michael’s bed, just the two of them in their own, happy bubble was all he’d ever wanted but reality had a way of fucking things up completely between them.

Alex wasn’t ashamed of Michael, he loved him, but it wasn’t so simple. As his father had pointed out to him; they were on two different paths. Alex was a decorated soldier, Michael was… Michael. In the years he’d been away, he’d kept in touch with Maria who loved to keep him updated with the goings-on back home. He’d known when Isobel got married and when Max had become an officer and all the times Michael got kicked out of the Wild Pony or arrested for indecent behaviour. Even now, Michael hadn’t been arrested since he and Alex had rekindled their… whatever they had but he wasn’t exactly on the straight and narrow either. Alex had seen proof of that the night of their almost date at the drive in. He’d let his father get into his head and had, stupidly, walked away from Michael and what they had. How many more times could they do this? How many ways could his father come between them?

Alex tucked the keychain and the letter back under his mattress then turned the light off, lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as his thoughts still returned to Michael. He replayed every one of their unions in the trailer, from Alex’s first admission and their subsequent make out session right up to the morning Isobel had almost caught them together. He longed to go back, to have one more night in the trailer with Michael but he knew it wasn’t possible. He’d called Michael a criminal and walked away from him. He kept walking away; Michael didn’t deserve that. Michael didn’t deserve a lot of what he’d had to deal with; neither of them did.

He lay for a long time, not even remotely tired yet still on edge. After all these years, he still expected to hear his father’s footsteps on the stairs, the creak of his bedroom door and the slap of his belt across Alex’s back but the house was quiet; except he could hear other footsteps. He sat up, the hairs on the back of his neck tingling, he tried to reach for his prosthetic or his crutch but it was dark and he didn’t want to make a sound.

The entire house had been locked, very securely; no one could possibly get in. He felt around for his phone but couldn’t find it. The footsteps were light on the stairs and he wondered if someone was coming to burgle the place. If so, it wouldn’t make sense to start upstairs, where people could possibly be sleeping. His heart was racing as he felt like a sitting duck, still looking around for some kind of weapon. He held his breath as the handle on his bedroom door turned, heard the creak of it opening and he balled his hands into fists.

“Alex?”

The voice was low, quiet, almost shy, but unmistakeably Michael’s. Alex reached for the light and turned it on, the room lit up and Michael cursed at the sudden brightness.

“Guerin?” Alex hissed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

His heart was still pounding but for completely different reasons. With the light on, he could see his prosthetic and reached for it but Michael was by his side, kneeling next to the bed before he could grab it.

“Don’t get up” Michael said to him, there was desperation in his voice “I just… I needed to see you”

“Guerin, what… How did you get in here?” he was still confused.

“Door wasn’t locked”

“Yes, it was; I locked it myself”

“Guess I used voodoo magic then”

“Guerin, I’m serious”

“You’re always serious, Manes”

“What are you doing here?” he asked again, tried to keep the anger from his voice. “If my dad-”

Michael climbed up onto the bed, Alex couldn’t help pulling back just a little but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Michael’s concerned face. He’d never seen him so serious, almost scared. He’d never been able to even imagine him looking scared yet here he was and it shook Alex to the core.

“I had to see you” Michael repeated as he reached for Alex’s hand.

“About what I said-” Alex started to say but Michael cut him off.

“None of that matters right now”

“Like hell it doesn’t”

“Alex, it doesn’t! I’m about to do something really, really stupid”

“Typical Guerin” Alex couldn’t help snapping.

“Yeah, extremely typical of me and if things go south which they probably will, I’ll either be arrested or killed”

These words sent an uneasy feeling down his spine and caused him to really snap to attention as the fear in Michael’s eyes was even deeper now.

“Are you in some kind of trouble?” Alex asked him.

“Ain’t I always?” Michael replied with a squeeze of Alex’s hand.

“Cut the crap, Guerin, just tell me the truth”

“I can’t but since there is an extremely high chance that I’m going to die tonight, I couldn’t go without seeing you one last time”

“This is bullshit, Guerin, fucking bullshit”

Alex pulled his hand free of Michael’s grasp. He looked up, into his eyes and could see tears forming. Michael was trying to pull one over on him, wasn’t he? It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Michael wasn’t capable of doing something illegal or stupid but what reason could he have for showing up like this? Was he expecting Alex to talk him out of it? To call the police and have him arrested? Was he hoping to get caught by Alex’s dad?

Michael reached out and cupped Alex’s face with both hands. His heart started to race as he stared into Michael’s tear-filled, terrified eyes then Michael leaned in and kissed him as deep and passionate as their kiss at the reunion. There was desperation behind it; their embrace at the reunion had been ten years in the making, this one was like Michael was trying to squeeze the next ten years into one kiss. The passion was so intense it almost hurt. When Michael finally broke the kiss, he didn’t break the embrace as his fingers brushed Alex’s cheek. The touch, once again, sent shivers down Alex’s spine and he just wanted to pull Michael into his bed and tell him not to leave.

“Don’t go” he quietly begged.

“Alex” Michael whispered and Alex felt his stomach twist.

“Michael, please? Stay here with me” he must be desperate, he _never_ called him by his first name.

“I want to, I really want to”

Alex reached up, took Michael’s hand in his then purposely guided it between his legs so he could feel just how much he wanted him to stay.

“Please?” Alex whispered.

The front door slammed shut downstairs and Alex froze in utter fear; his father was home.

“Don’t go” Alex pleaded again.

“I can’t stay now” Michael reasoned; he’d heard the front door. He leaned in for one last kiss as tears streamed down his cheeks. “Just know that you made being on this planet bearable”

Alex felt Michael pull away from him then watched as he hurried across the room, threw the window open.

“Michael, please? Where are you going?” Alex begged to know.

“Santa’s workshop” he replied before disappearing out the window.

He’d just vanished from sight when there was a knock at the bedroom door. Alex sighed and hastily threw a sheet across his lap to cover his reaction to Michael’s touch before giving permission to enter. His father opened the door with a very stern look; his eyes scanned the room as though expecting to find someone else there. He always expected to find someone but he never did, not since…

“Can I help you, _dad_?” Alex snapped at him.

“The front door was open” Jesse Manes told his son “you know you’re supposed to lock it before coming upstairs”

“Must’ve been the rent boy I hired tonight, obviously doesn’t know how to close a door behind him”

He watched as his father’s eyes narrowed and his lip twitched; he clearly wanted to say something.

“Don’t worry, I paid him well to service a gimp like me” he added.

“You’re a decorated war hero” Jesse said to him “I never want to hear that word in my house again”

It was possibly the closest thing Alex had ever heard to a compliment from his father but it didn’t matter. If his father hadn’t come home right now, Michael probably would’ve stayed. Alex had no idea what was going on with Michael tonight but he wasn’t just going to sit around and wait to find out. He held his father’s hard stare for a moment, neither wanted to be the first to relent but Alex had more important things to worry about now.

“Goodnight, _dad_ ” he said to him. “Can you get the light on your way out?”

Jesse’s lip twitched again and Alex just knew he was on the brink of saying something else but to his surprise, his father simply turned off the light and closed the door. It was several minutes before he heard his retreating footsteps.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning!!!
> 
> The following chapter includes non-con/rape... not overly graphic but enough to warrant a warning!

“I’m not having this argument with you again” Max shouted from the other side of the truck.

“There’s nothing to argue about” Michael shouted back.

“Guys, come on, this is crazy” Isobel tried, as usual, to play peacekeeper between the two men.

The three aliens were at the junkyard, behind Michael’s trailer where his truck was filled with something he shouldn’t have; explosives.

“It’s necessary, Isobel” Michael insisted. He didn’t understand why they were both fighting him on this. He knew he shouldn’t have told them what he intended on doing, should’ve just done it then listened to them berate him later.

“It’s dangerous” Max argued.

“It’ll be more dangerous not to do it” Michael snapped.

“But it’s suicide, Michael” Isobel tried to reason with him.

“I’ll be careful” he assured her.

“You don’t know how to be careful”

“So come with me” he looked to Max “help me”

“No” Max and Isobel said in unison.

Michael turned away in anger, kicked his foot in frustration and a bucket several feet away exploded. Max shook his head in his usual disapproving way while Isobel reached out and placed a hand on his arm in a bid to calm him down. He just didn’t understand why they were against the plan, despite trying several times to make them see reason, Max still refused to budge. As far as he was concerned, his decision was final.

As far as Michael was concerned, he didn’t need to listen to Max Evans.

“Think about it, logically” Michael tried yet another approach.

“We are, Michael” Isobel explained “you’re not”

“I don’t want to do this” he continued “but it’s too risky not to”

“The site has been abandoned for years” Max insisted “the only person whose set foot there is you”

“And now the Army are building a new base on it” Michael said.

“How do you know that?”

“The sale of the ranch, the army bought it and a few others in the area to build on”

“The army can do whatever they want”

“But they’re going to build on it; that means excavating, digging around… What if they find something?”

“What could possibly be left to find? It’s been over fifty years and you’ve scoured every inch of it. Everything that could possibly be found, the government already has”

“Who knows what else they might dig up?”

“So you want to dig it up for them by blowing up the entire site?”

“It’s the only sure fire way to guarantee that whatever might be left down there gets destroyed”

“You’re talking about blowing up land owned by the air force. If you get caught, that is if you don’t get killed, the punishment-”

“I know what I’m doing” he cut Isobel off

“No, you don’t” Max snapped “because you’re not doing it. End of discussion. For the last time; end. Of. Discussion”

*

Of course Michael didn’t listen to them. It was the end of the discussion though because after tonight, there wouldn’t be anything left to discuss. He put everything he’d need into his truck and covered it up with a tarp then had to bide his time until nightfall so he could move about without being seen. Not that there was any chance of that, he’d lived in a trailer on that land for years and never saw another living soul around. Even now that the Air Force owned the land, they didn’t bother with any patrols so Michael knew it would be okay.

But he wasn’t exactly used to working with chemical explosives and he knew there was a chance things could go wrong. The only thought going through his mind as he packed up the truck, was his last fight with Alex. There was a good chance that if things didn’t work out, he’d never see him again.

So before his trek out to the ranch, Michael made a pit stop at the Manes home. The front door was locked but thanks to his powers he was easily able to sneak inside and up to Alex’s room. Going to see him was a mistake though for Alex tried to convince him to stay; he put up a very good argument and Michael had been so very tempted to say yes. Their goodbye kiss practically burned his lips but he didn’t regret the decision to go. If he was going to die tonight, at least he got to kiss Alex Manes one last time.

Under the cover of darkness, Michael moved about the ranch, placing the explosives at the places he felt would make the most damage. He was just setting the charges when he had an idea to place a few under the ground. He made sure he was as far away from the road as possible then used his powers to punch a hole in the ground. Something beneath his feet rumbled and the ground gave way beneath him.

He fell about a metre into a hole and scrambled to get back out. One side of the hole felt strange, he reached out to touch it and felt a jolt like electricity shoot through him. He tried to break into it using his powers but was sent back against the opposite wall with such force that he landed on his ass. He eventually managed to pull himself free and hurried back to his truck to find his phone, he needed to call Max and Isobel, tell them what he’d found.

‘You don’t want to do that’ he heard a voice and spun around but couldn’t see anyone.

“Is someone there?” he called out.

‘Someone’s a naughty boy’ the voice was in his head, he was sure of it.

“Isobel? Max?” he screamed.

He reached into the truck and found one last explosive which he carried back to the hole in the ground. He sank down next to the hole and carefully dropped the charge inside.

‘Uh huh uh’ the voice taunted him.

“What is your problem?” Michael asked the voice.

Suddenly a pair of arms was around his neck, a hand over his mouth. He clenched his hands into fists, channelled his powers and tried to push them off him. The figure stumbled but didn’t release him. He tried again to shake them off but this mystery spectre was stronger than him.

‘You plan to destroy me?’ it didn’t have a mouth. Michael wondered if that was what himself, Max and Isobel were supposed to look like had they not looked human. It wasn’t anything like the common depictions of the little green men.

“I just want to destroy the site” he tried to explain “you don’t have to die along with it”

‘You want to destroy my home?’

Its piercing eyes bored into his, he could feel it ferreting around inside his mind, searching his memories. He closed his eyes, tried not to think; he didn’t want it to see some of the things he held dear but it was too late for when he opened his eyes, the alien spectre had taken on a new form, that of Alex Manes.

“No!” Michael shrieked “Not him!”

Before his very eyes, the alien form distorted and shifted. It no longer resembled Alex but had now shifted to look like Max Evans.

‘You do what I say’ Spectre Max was saying to him in a frighteningly accurate mimic of real Max. ‘You try to destroy what I love; I’ll destroy what you love’

Michael frowned at this. The only thing he loved was Alex but he wasn’t here, the spectre couldn’t hurt Alex from here, could he? He loved Max and Isobel of course but not in the same way. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, there was nothing this alien spectre could do to destroy him unless he intended to kill him but if that was the plan, why turn into Max?

The alien spectre punched him. Michael had been in his fair share of bar fights but this one punch packed more bite than any beating he’d ever had. He fell to the ground, his head pounding and blood gushing from an instant wound over his eye. He tried to get up but the strong alien hit him again with such force he was sent almost all the way back to his truck. As he tried to sit up, the Max spectre was by his side, hand in his hair, pulled his head back and glared down at him. For the first time in his life, Michael felt scared. He could feel the power and the anger radiating from this being.

“Are you going to kill me?” Michael asked Spectre Max.

His face distorted into a sight Michael would never forget then he felt pain unlike any other as Spectre Max’s fingers punctured his head, it was painful and invasive. The spectre searched Michael’s mind, more in depth than before. The images in his mind all began to blur together, names and faces of men and women he’d slept with over the years all flashed through his mind. Every single one of them… Until it came back to Alex.

Michael was thrown to the ground, in too much pain to move. He tried to sit up but Spectre Max was on top of him, taunting him. Spewing all the words Michael never wanted to hear… That he was alone, no one would ever want him; no one would ever love him. He was worthless. Unloveable. Unredeemable.

Left in the group home while Max and Isobel were adopted, bouncing from foster home to foster home in the hopes that someone would make a connection with him, one that never came… until Alex but the image changed to that of a hammer on his hand followed by one of Alex walking away, always walking away, forever leaving him.

His shirt was torn open and he looked down to see bruises already forming, the blood from his face mixed with his tears. Why was he even crying? He knew the words weren’t true, right? But deep down, a part of him feared they were. ‘You’re wasting your life, Guerin’ he heard Alex’s words in his mind. ‘I can’t be with a criminal’

He thought of their kiss barely an hour ago, how desperately Alex had tried to make him stay. He knew if he’d stayed, they would have made love and likely have been caught by Alex’s father.

‘Your favourite past time’ Spectre Max leered at him. ‘The only thing that gives you pleasure, can also give you pain’

“No!” he screamed; clenched his fists and once again tried to direct all of his powers at Spectre Max.

The alien entity didn’t even flinch; it pressed the fingers from one hand back inside Michael’s mind and held him down while the other hand tore at the rest of his clothes. He knew it was coming but couldn’t stop it. He screamed as soon as the pain started. Invasive, intrusive, painful as Michael felt like he was being torn in two.

“Max! No!” he knew it wasn’t really him but the face staring back, inflicting so much pain on his body, was that of Max Evans and it messed with his head, fucked with his heart, and broke his body. This alien bastard had looked into Michael’s mind and found the one way to hurt him without laying a finger on someone he cared about.

The pain lasted a long, long time. He had no idea how long alien sex could last, had never before been counting the seconds for it to be over but every inch of his body, inside and out was killing him. He tried to move, could barely function but there on the ground next to his truck was the handheld detonator. All he had to do was press a button and it would all be over.

‘I’m sorry’ he said, more to himself than anyone else as images of real Max, Isobel then Alex flashed through his mind. He reached out, slowly, painfully, and his hand found the small switch. He closed his eyes and pressed the button then everything went dark.

*

When he came to, the entire area around him was on fire but he welcomed the heat and prayed it would engulf him, would make the pain end. He couldn’t move, tried to sit up but it hurt too much. His truck was gone, the alien was gone and he was too exhausted to save himself.

In the far off distance, he could hear sirens of emergency services, no doubt coming to investigate why the entire site had gone up in flames. It took every fibre of his strength to pull himself into a sitting position when he heard someone calling his name.

Michael looked up at the light reflecting off the metal crutch; saw the look of devastation on Alex’s face at the very sight of Michael and his injuries then Alex was beside him, reaching for him. Michael flinched, tried to pull away but everything hurt. Alex’s arms were around him, holding him, he could hear his voice in his ear and the tears began all over again.

“Its okay” Alex whispered “I’m here, Michael, and I’ve got you”

Michael closed his eyes and tried to nod his head in understanding but it hurt, everything hurt then everything went dark again and nothing hurt anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex hadn’t waited to act as he’d scrambled to attach his prosthetic as quickly and quietly as he could. His heart was racing as he worked, eager to be done and go looking for Michael. His father’s footsteps were gone but he knew as soon as he tried to leave, he’d be heard then questioned. Fortunately, the sound of the running water in the shower reached his ears and Alex pulled on the rest of his clothes, grabbed his crutch and headed for the stairs.

He had to move fast which wasn’t easy with the crutch; he was getting better at it but still wasn’t about to win any races with it. Something made him stop and he turned, hurried back to his room and reached under the mattress. He pocketed the key then went down the stairs and out the front door, locking it securely behind him.

He made his way to his car and immediately took off, heading out of town towards the old crash site that had once housed Michael’s airstream. If he wasn’t there then Alex had no idea where else to look but he was certain Michael had given him the hint on purpose. He didn’t think Michael had much of a head start but he lost time by being pulled over for a random inspection then questioned before being let go.

When the old ranch was just visible off in the horizon, he heard a sound and the entire sky lit up as though a series of explosions were happening right before his eyes. Alex put his foot down and sped towards the flames. A moment later, he saw Michael’s truck pass him, going in the opposite direction but it wasn’t Michael behind the wheel, it was Max Evans.

With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he continued toward the ranch. Pulled the car over and screamed Michael’s name. There was no response and he started to hope, pray, that Michael wasn’t here somewhere. Blowing up Air Force land could definitely be considered stupid. Alex saw the tracks of a truck and followed them for a bit but the flames were hot and the smoke was stinging his eyes.

In the distance he could hear sirens and knew reinforcements were coming. If he didn’t leave soon, he might be suspected or accused of doing this. He called out again as he moved through the smoke and he stopped mid-step at the sight before him.

Michael was lying on the ground, struggling to even sit up, his shirt was torn, his pants were torn and he was bleeding. A lot. His heart broke at the image of Michael’s damaged body and he hurried towards him, knelt beside him then reached out a comforting hand. He was beyond confused when Michael flinched at his touch and appeared to be trying to get away from him but Alex wasn’t deterred, he wrapped his arms around him in a protective embrace and whispered in his ear. “It’s okay… I’m here, Michael, and I’ve got you”

Tears were spilling down Michael’s cheeks but Alex didn’t think he was even aware of them. He saw him attempt to nod his head but suddenly his body went limp and became a dead weight, Michael had passed out. The sirens were growing louder so Alex stumbled back to his car, the engine still running, and he steered it as close to Michael’s unconscious body as he could then he somehow yet proudly managed to transport him to the car. He was exhausted by the time he got back behind the wheel himself but there was no time to linger, the sirens were practically upon the site.

Alex turned the car around and drove away from the burning site, away from Roswell entirely; all the way to a small hunting cabin that now belonged to him.

*

There wasn’t a single sound from the unconscious body in the backseat for the entire duration of the drive. It was unsettling and terrifying for Alex as he started to ponder if he should take Michael to a hospital. He felt it was out of the question for he’d have to explain how he’d gotten the injuries and Alex wasn’t even entirely sure. Could Max Evans have possibly done this to him? He really didn’t think it so, Max and Michael had been friends forever, what reason would Max have for hurting Michael in such a viciously violent way?

Finding the cabin was the easy part; forcing himself to get out of the car and make his way up to the porch was another story. He left Michael in the car before he unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold. The place hadn’t been visited in a long time, it smelt musty yet clean and Alex vaguely remembered overhearing his father arguing about paying someone to maintain it when they weren’t using it. Perhaps Jim had still been maintaining it or was still paying someone to.

He turned on the light and was overcome with emotions at the very sight of the room. There were so many mixed memories in this place. He looked at the empty fireplace; could see him, his brothers and Kyle roasting marshmallows over the flames. He saw the couch and remembered nights spent with a sleeping bag on the cushions while his brothers slept on the floor or outside on the porch. He closed his eyes and could feel the sharp sting of his father’s hand or his belt buckle upon his skin and shook his head to clear that memory.

Crutch in hand, he moved towards the bedroom that his dad always used and surveyed it. Since the falling out between his father and Kyle’s dad, his father hadn’t been back here but he hadn’t left too much stuff behind either. The only really personal items were a couple of photographs. One was of Alex’s mother, the other of Alex’s father with his three brothers. All four men were in uniform; he was certain he’d been there when the photo was taken, had originally been in it. He snatched it up along with anything else he didn’t want to look at and shoved it in the closet in the corner then made his way back outside and over to the car.

Michael was still unconscious on the backseat so he opened the door and attempted to shake him awake. The other man didn’t move a muscle.

“Michael?” Alex whispered “Guerin, can you even hear me?”

He didn’t know what to do, how long to leave him there for. He knew he wouldn’t be able to move him, not without help and he didn’t want anyone to know they were here either… but if Michael was going to need a Doctor then the sooner he took him to one, the better.

Alex sank down in the grass beside the car, leaning his back on the open backdoor, and he just stared at Michael’s bruised, bloodied face. It brought tears to his eyes as he reached out and gently touched his cheek.

“Guerin, please?” he whispered “please wake up”

Alex rested his head on the door, his eyes still staring at Michael’s unconscious face.

“Please, I need you to wake up and tell me what to do” he pleaded “I can’t…” he squeezed his eyes closed to blink back unshed tears “I don’t know what happened, I don’t understand why you did this, why Max Evans would do this to you but I can’t… I can’t take care of you like this. I can’t even lift you out of the car”

He slammed his hand down on the grass beside him in utter frustration. He was learning to live with the prosthetic, with the crutch, but he hated feeling helpless, hated knowing that because of his injury, he had limitations most others didn’t. Right now, there was nothing he could do aside from driving to the nearest hospital which he was certain Michael wouldn’t want.

“Just wake up and get your ass inside” Alex begged “let me know that you’re okay. Please?”

But Michael didn’t budge; Alex reached out and could feel his pulse so he knew he was still alive. He drew little comfort from this fact though as he wasn’t sure what he would do if Michael didn’t wake up. What if he’d slipped into a deep coma? Should he call Max Evans? But what if Max _had_ done this on purpose, had actually tried to kill Michael? If he called and let him know that Michael wasn’t dead, he might come looking for him to finish the job.

He closed his eyes again and just listened to the low, steady breathing coming from the body on the backseat of his car. His heart was still pounding; he was on edge but the only comfort he could draw from was that nobody knew they were here. The only other person likely to even remember this place was Kyle and he doubted Mr-Big-Shot-Doctor would ever come back here. With his eyes still closed, he continued to whisper the mantra under his breath ‘please wake up, please wake up, please wake up’.

He kept it up until he was too tired to stay awake and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

*

The screech of a bird was what woke him. Alex jerked awake and for a moment, forgot where he was, what he was doing there and who he was with. He looked around in surprise and saw the sun just breaking the horizon. It was early, very early in the morning. He sat up straighter and peered into the car to check on Michael who was still lying on the backseat but his eyes were open now. He was gazing vacantly at the back of the seat in front of him.

As far as he could tell, Michael hadn’t moved an inch.

“Guerin?” he asked “Guerin, are you okay? Can you move? Have you moved? What were you doing out there? Who did that to you? Was it Max Evans? Did he hurt you?”

He knew he was asking too many questions but he was filled with such relief at seeing Michael’s brown eyes finally open again. His heart began to pound for entirely different reasons. Guilt instantly filled him for leaving Michael in the car all night but he felt he’d had no other choice.

“Guerin, please talk to me” Alex whispered.

Those deep eyes he knew so well appeared so lost and vacant. He reached out to touch Michael’s cheek, to assure himself that Michael was really awake but the second his fingers touched Michael’s skin, the other man hissed and jerked away as though Alex’s touch had burned him. He sat up in a hurry and instantly cried out in pain. Alex had never heard anything like it and he’d been in a warzone.

“Whoa! Whoa!” Alex held up his hands in surrender. “Guerin, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Hell, I won’t even touch you if you don’t want me to”

He could see the fear behind his eyes; eyes that darted about frantically taking in the sights and sounds surrounding them. Alex had never, ever seen such fear on Michael’s face and it honestly scared him a little. He lowered his hands and folded them in his lap as he continued to watch Michael’s face.

“You’re safe out here” Alex promised him “no one knows about this place and I own it so, no one is likely to come out here either. I didn’t know what to do... I found you out at the old ranch, the rumoured crash site, and it was on fire… you were messed up and you passed out. I couldn’t take you to a hospital because they would’ve asked questions that I couldn’t answer and if anything was reported, it would make you the prime suspect in what happened at the ranch” he paused “was it you, Guerin? Did you blow it up?”

Michael was practically cowering on the far side of the backseat, his torn and bloodied clothes were barely hanging on and Alex really wanted to get him inside, get him cleaned up. Michael started shaking his head and muttering to himself, so quietly that Alex couldn’t understand then he threw the door open and all but fell onto the ground beside the car. It took Alex a moment to collect his crutch, climb to his feet and make his way around the car. Once there, he could see Michael dry retching on the grass; he was crying which brought tears to Alex’s eyes.

“Guerin, please? Come inside and let’s get you cleaned up” Alex kept his voice gentle. He wanted to reach for him but was scared he’d set him off again. “I promise I won’t do anything without your permission and with my stupid leg, it’s not like I can make you”

Michael’s eyes flickered from Alex’s face down to his crutch and back up again. The tears were still in his eyes as he slowly nodded his head and even more slowly climbed to his feet. Alex saw the way he flinched and winced in pain, again he wanted to reach for him but he didn’t. He closed the car door and gave Michael a head start, walked several paces behind him until they were on the porch. Walking behind did little to assure him Michael was okay as he could see the blood all over his shirt and pants. What exactly had happened to Michael out there and how long would it take before he truly found out?

They stepped into the cabin and Alex closed the door behind them. He turned to look at Michael, watching him look around the place but the short walk from the car to the cabin seemed to have drained what little strength Michael had built up and after taking two steps towards the couch, he collapsed again.

He’d passed out before his head even hit the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

Every inch of his body ached; when he opened his eyes, he found himself staring at a wooden ceiling in what appeared to be a log cabin. It only took a moment for everything to come flooding back to him. Starting from the argument with Max and Isobel to him sneaking into Alex’s room, his encounter with the other alien and setting off the charges to make it stop hurting him then he remembered Alex coming for him, waking up in Alex’s car with the man himself sitting outside next to him.

He’d stared at Alex’s face for a long, long time, until the man had woken up but even then he still couldn’t be sure it was really him. He hadn’t seen what had become of his attacker; it had morphed into Alex before, had it done it again? Was this all an elaborate plan of this alien to bring him here with no witnesses and finish him off?

When Alex had woken up, Michael had wanted nothing more than to believe it to really be him but how could he really be sure?

He groaned as he tried to sit up; his torn, tattered shirt all but fell from his body and he just left it on the floor. His eyes scanned the room, took in the fireplace, the armchair, the bookshelves, the coffee table. The place was rather quaint. Had Alex said it belonged to him? Why had they been fucking in Michael’s tiny trailer if Alex had an entire cabin they could’ve been playing in?

He shifted then cried out in pain and started coughing up blood which he hastily wiped away. He heard footsteps and the scrape of the crutch as Alex appeared in the doorway. There was such pain and concern in his eyes but what if it was just a ruse? What if this was the alien, determined to hurt him again? He moved again and pain unlike any he’d ever felt before shot through his entire body. He needed acetone and doubted there would be any around here.

“Alex?” Michael coughed “is it really you?”

“Do you have a concussion or something?” Alex asked as he moved closer but still kept his distance.

“Is it really you?”

“No, I’m really one of Santa’s elves”

The dry snark was there; it was the kind of response Michael himself would’ve given to such a question but he still wasn’t sure how to react. Alex knew nothing of aliens and he could never explain this to him, if this was the real Alex, he’d think Michael had lost his mind. If this was the alien, he’d know exactly how to hoodwink him for he’d seen into Michael’s mind, probably knew exactly how to mimic his Alex.

“What were you doing out there?” Michael asked him.

“You came into my room in the middle of the night, sprouting talk of doing something that would likely get you killed” Alex explained “I wasn’t about to let you do that”

“So you followed me?”

“I did”

“Did you see…” he paused. He couldn’t exactly ask if he’d seen the alien and what he’d done to him.

“I didn’t see anything” Alex moved closer, moved past Michael and placed a bowl full of water on the table before him before sitting down in the armchair. “By the time I got out there, the entire place was burning up”

“Did you see anyone besides me out there?”

“I saw someone driving your truck away from the scene”

“Someone?”

“Max Evans… The town deputy, driving your car away from the scene of a crime”

Michael flinched at the words but didn’t correct him. It was a crime scene; he’d broken the law because he was a criminal. A criminal who couldn’t be with an airman… An airman who’d smuggled him away from the crime scene and was now harbouring him, looking at him with deep concern in his eyes.

“It wasn’t Max Evans you saw” Michael tried to explain.

“Guerin, if he was a part of this too then I need to know” Alex argued.

“Why? So you can turn us both in?”

“So I can know the truth. Are you denying he was there so you can protect him? So you don’t have to explain what _you_ were doing out there?”

“Alex-”

“Because it looks to me like things got rough between the two of you” Alex stated “really rough… when I found you in the dirt… God Guerin” his voice faltered “I thought you were dead”

“You thought Max Evans beat me up and left me for dead in the middle of the desert?”

“It sure as hell looked that way”

“I’ve known Max for twenty years. Why would he wait until now to try to kill me?”

“I don’t know... Maybe he was jealous that the town slut wouldn’t fuck him”

Alex’s words cut him deep; his entire body filled with rage but also pain and humiliation. Tears immediately filled his eyes and he hastily looked away, didn’t want Alex to see how much his words stung. Yes, he was something of a slut, had had his fair share of quite a few women in town not to mention a handful of men [mostly tourists though]. There had never, ever been any kind of sexual attraction between himself and Max.

Max was practically his brother which was what made the memory of last night so very painful; the spectre had taken on Max’s form to hurt him like that. He had to remind himself that it had not been Max Evans hurting him.

“You think that’s what happened?” Michael almost choked on the words.

“I’m not an idiot, Guerin” Alex sounded harsher than Michael expected him to “I saw Max flee, found you all bloodied and bruised, your clothes all ripped and torn. I know what he did to you; I know he raped you”

The word hung in the air between them. It was out there now; Michael knew what that thing had done to his body and he’d hoped, prayed that Alex hadn’t figured it out… But damn the man was perceptive. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him now. It was one thing for it to be the elephant in the room but for Alex to actually say the word and acknowledge it meant Michael also had to accept it. Accept that it had happened.

Michael stared down at his hands which were stained with blood and dirt. The very sight caused him to start trembling, his hands shaking almost uncontrollably. Tears spilled down his cheeks but he couldn’t stop staring at his hands. He saw Alex’s hand come closer to his and he instinctively, pulled back, brought his hands up to his chest.

“I’m sorry” Alex whispered. Michael slowly looked up and started coughing again but Alex wasn’t looking at him, he’d reached over and was submerging the cloth in the bowl of water. “I shouldn’t have called you the town slut”

“But I am” Michael said “I’m the biggest whore in all of New Mexico”

“No, you’re not… And, even if you were, it doesn’t mean you deserved this to happen to you”

Michael continued to stare at Alex as he filled the cloth with water then syphoned some of it back out. When Alex reached for his hand again, Michael kept it close to his chest, unsure of what to do. He trusted Alex… if this really was Alex.

“Guerin, please?” Alex said very softly “I just want to help. I won’t hurt you, I promise”

Michael swallowed back his uncertainty. Alex reached for his hand and he let him. He felt Alex’s fingers on his palm and immediately tensed but all Alex did was very gently brush the wet cloth over his skin, washing away the dirt and the blood. He didn’t allow himself to relax the entire time Alex cleaned his hand, he grew even more uneasy when Alex reached for his other hand, the one that was covered in old scars but Alex didn’t say a word, just continued to be very gentle as he cleaned away the muck.

After cleaning both hands, he started on Michael’s forearms. Michael just stared at Alex’s face the entire time, still trying to read behind his eyes, to see if it really was him. He was being too gentle to be the alien entity, he was almost certain but it could also have been an act. After his hands and arms were clean, Alex put the cloth back in the bowl then got to his feet.

“This is going to take a lot more water” he said before he turned and started out of the room.

Michael’s eyes watched him go, followed him from the room and stared at his back as Alex poured the water out, rinsed the cloth and refilled the bowl.

“Doesn’t this place have a shower?” Michael asked.

“It does” Alex replied “just through there” he pointed in the general direction.

“I think I’d prefer that”

“Are you-?”

“Yeah, absolutely”

Michael climbed to his feet, still wincing in pain and took a step forward. Alex didn’t make a move to help him, he wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that or not. He moved in the direction that Alex pointed, every muscle in his body ached with every step but he was determined to do this himself.

He coughed and spluttered as he shed what remained of his clothes and stepped into the small shower. The water was cold at first but he didn’t care; he closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. As the water heated up, the beads cascading down his body took a long time before running clear as he slowly sank to the floor, buried his face in his hands and cried.

He stayed under the running water for a long time; half expected Alex to come in at any moment and check on him but the other man was giving him space and privacy, for that he was relieved. Once he couldn’t stay there any longer, Michael reached up and turned off the running water then he continued to sit on the tiled floor as his mind replayed the events of the previous night for the hundredth, two hundredth, three hundredth time? It hadn’t been Max! But Alex really believed it was; how could he possibly convince him otherwise without actually telling him the truth?

Michael crawled out of the shower and over to the small cabinet under the sink. He opened it and gasped with relief. Tucked away at the back was a bottle of nail polish remover. Wondering what it was even doing here, he reached for it, popped the lid and downed the contents. He coughed and spluttered as he realized it was long out of date but it helped a tiny bit. He downed the rest and, still coughing, put it back where he found it then he painfully pulled himself to his feet and reached for a towel.

He wrapped it around his body and hugged himself tightly. He felt marginally better now that he was clean but when he looked into the mirror, he was almost shocked to see the damage. He opened the towel and examined his chest which was almost black and blue.

A knock at the door caused him to wrap the towel back around him then he collapsed atop the toilet. It was just close enough that he could reach to open the door. Alex’s concerned face took in his exhausted appearance and Michael suddenly felt self-conscious, he pulled the towel closer around himself.

“I uh brought you some clean clothes” Alex sounded almost apologetic “well they might not be that clean… I mean they’re probably dusty and… no one’s been up for years”

He held out a pair of pants and a sweatshirt that Michael couldn’t begin to imagine who once owned them. As though reading his mind, Alex informed him they were once Jim Valenti’s. He frowned but accepted them then waited until Alex had gone, pulled the door closed behind him, before pulling them on. They weren’t a great fit but it was better than wearing just a towel.

Bare feet on the wooden floor, he made his way back to the small living room and was surprised to find it empty. A noise from behind caused him to turn around, still on edge, and he saw Alex in the doorway near the bathroom. He stood there, waiting, as Alex’s crutch scraped the floor.

“You should rest” Alex said to him. “There’s a bed through there”

He indicated over his shoulder. Michael’s eyes darted from Alex to the door and back again.

“I’ll just be out here. Guerin, I swear, you’re safe here”

Michael nodded his head in understanding then he started past Alex towards the bedroom. It was sparsely furnished; a bed and side table were basically it. The bed wasn’t exactly a double but looked bigger than a single. Either way, it was bigger than he was used to in his small airstream.

“Did you want something to eat or drink?” Alex asked him.

The idea of eating made him feel sick but he wouldn’t say no to a beer. Would Alex give him one?

“Beer?” Michael tried, somewhat hopeful.

“I’d have to go to the store… Will you be okay on your own for a while?”

Michael frowned but nodded his head. Was Alex Manes really going to make a beer run for him?

“Try to get some sleep” Alex said to him “and I’ll be back as soon as I can”

“Alex?” Michael’s voice croaked with emotion. “Thank you”

Alex smiled at him but there was still the hint of sadness in his eyes as he turned and walked away, leaving Michael to make his way into the bedroom alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll add a few more chapters soon, I promise... am still working out a few issues with the plot but am aiming for it to be around 15 chapters in total


	5. Chapter 5

Seeing Michael in such pain and being unable to do anything just made him feel so helpless. He hadn’t wanted to push, had tried to be gentle in his attempt to help him clean up but having Michael push him away hurt. He knew Michael was strong, independent, a fighter, not a victim but this was unlike anything either of them had had to deal with before.

Alex had seen the look on Michael’s face when he’d said “the R word” and the way Michael had reacted. He didn’t want this to be the one thing that broke him; Michael was stronger than that but he was also such a gentle soul. It was hard to look at him and not see the naïve teenager he used to be. They’d both grown up over the past ten years but when they were together, they were teenagers again…

Teenagers who didn’t know how to deal with something as adult as sexual assault.

He never should’ve called Michael the town slut. Maria had dubbed him that in her letters to Alex, she’d been blissfully unaware that her words, which were meant to make him laugh, cut him deep to the core. Of course he hadn’t really expected Michael to become a celibate monk in his absence but hearing of his excessive hook-ups often had him falling asleep with tears in his eyes. Curled up, alone, in his bunk a long way from home and from Michael, he was forever picturing him and his nameless faceless hook-ups... But calling him a slut was out of line and now he didn’t know how to take it back.

Alex made his way out to his car, climbed behind the wheel and just sat in the front seat, staring at the cabin. Michael was safe inside but should he really be leaving him like this? They were going to need supplies though if they planned to stay here awhile. It was just logical. He started the car and backed down the drive.

He didn’t want to drive back to Roswell but he did want to confront Max Evans. Of course he didn’t want Max to know where Michael was so it was probably best to stay away from him until he had more information. He wondered if there was anything from the trailer that Michael would want, a creature comfort, maybe?

His decision made, Alex turned the car in the direction of town. For the entire drive, his mind was filled with images of Michael… Finding him in the middle of the flames; his unconscious body on the backseat of his car, the pain and fear in his eyes whenever Alex tried to touch him.

When he approached what remained of the ranch, Alex slowed down in an attempt to see the damage and was pulled over by a security checkpoint. Fortunately the Airmen who pulled him over was someone he knew, he explained very briefly about the cabin and his fellow servicemen had no reason to question him further.

Minutes later, he was back on the road into town.

Alex pulled into the junkyard and threw open the door to Michael’s trailer. It was a mess; more of a mess than usual as though someone had been looking for something. He found it strange there were so many bottles of nail polish remover around; did he use it to get high or something? Alex moved through the airstream to the small cupboard Michael used as a closet. He was a little surprised to see how few clothes Michael appeared to own. He grabbed a pair of jeans, some underwear and two shirts then picked up a box from the floor. It was filled with old newspapers but he threw the stuff on top then struggled to navigate out of the trailer and back to his car.

His next stop was his own house and he was thankful his father wasn’t home. He grabbed some clothes for himself, left a hasty note for his father letting him know he wasn’t going to be home for a few days then his last stop was the liquor store. He picked up two cases of Michael’s favourite beer then had the store assistant help him carry it to his car.

He’d been gone too long, was worried about what state he’d find Michael in when he got back. He stopped by the grocery store and picked up some food before getting back on the road and heading back towards the cabin. On his way out of town, he passed a patrol car and was certain he recognized Max Evans behind the wheel. He was tempted to chase him down and confront him, demand to know how and why he’d done what he’d done but he still couldn’t make any sense of it… especially when Michael insisted it hadn’t been Max. There hadn’t been anyone else around… or had there? Was it possible Michael had sent Max away then been attacked just after the man had left?

He still wanted to confront him but there would be time for that later, right now Michael needed him. Or maybe he just wanted Michael to need him.

Alex drove back past the ranch and noticed even more military presence. That was odd, given the land hadn’t even started to be built on. What exactly was the military looking for out there? Maybe he needed to make sure he didn’t miss work tomorrow… He’d been lucky today was his day off.

When the cabin was finally in sight, he breathed a sigh of relief. Pulled up to the porch and climbed out, taking the bag of groceries inside with him. His crutch scraped the ground as he walked, made his way through the cabin to the bedroom and slowly opened the door. Michael was fast asleep or his eyes were closed and he was pretending to sleep.

“I’m back” Alex whispered. There was no movement from the bed.

“I bought beer” still no movement. Michael really was asleep.

He went to the kitchen and started to quietly unpack the groceries, putting food and drink in the small refrigerator then he returned to his car to fetch the beer which he also put in the fridge. He struggled to bring the box with Michael’s clothes in it inside but he carried it to the bedroom and placed it on the floor just inside the door. Michael would find it easily enough when he woke up.

Alex sank down in the chair, his eyes still scanning the cabin as memories of so many trips flashed through his mind. On the wall by the fridge was a photograph of his father and Jim Valenti from when they were very young. It amused him that two such different men had grown up to be friends but then again, on paper, him and Michael were like chalk and cheese yet being together just felt so damn right. As he stared at the image of his father, tears sprung to his eyes.

“I guess you’re not the only monster in this town after all” Alex said to the photo. “Unless you had something to do with this… I wouldn’t put it past you though… You know how I feel about him and you hate it. You hate me and my feelings but what Michael and I have… Even you can’t destroy that… Sending me away for ten years didn’t make those feelings go away… And if you think I’d abandon him after something like this, you’ve got another thing coming, dad”

“Who are you talking to?”

Michael’s voice almost gave him a heart attack. He spun around in the chair and stared at him in surprise. His heart was pounding in his chest as he pointed over his shoulder to the photo.

“Is that your dad?” Michael asked as he moved towards the frame. Alex nodded his head. “And… Kyle’s dad?”

“This was their hunting cabin” Alex explained. “We used to come here all the time as kids. Kyle and I used to be friends”

“What happened?”

“We grew up and grew apart”

He didn’t want to open that floodgate right now. He watched as Michael, still dressed in Jim Valenti’s old clothes, moved around the room. He was very stiff and obviously still in a lot of pain.

“Do you need me to look at that?” Alex asked him. “I uh bought some bandages and antiseptic and some other stuff”

“There’s a cut on my back that really stings” Michael admitted.

“I can clean and bandage it, if you want me to… if you’ll let me”

Michael nodded his head then pulled out the other chair and sat down. Alex didn’t miss the way he flinched when he sat down. He wasn’t sure how to tactfully ask him if his ass hurt. There could be damage down there that a Doctor should look at. He considered calling Kyle, laughed to himself then pushed the thought aside. The bag was still on the table so he rummaged about inside until he found the cream and the bandages.

Alex waited for Michael to remove his shirt and he gasped at the bruises there. He’d known Michael had taken quite a beating but man that was one hell of a beating to make his entire body turn black and blue. He could see the cut but it wasn’t bleeding nor was it deep enough to require stitches. He moved to the sink and washed his hands before returning to Michael’s side.

Neither of them spoke as Alex opened the antiseptic cream, squeezed some onto his fingers and gently rubbed it over the wound. Michael gasped as it stung and he clenched his hands into fists, his entire body tensed. Alex’s hands were gentle and his voice was soothing as he assured Michael it was okay. It wasn’t long before Alex affixed the bandage and retracted his hands.

He got up to wash the cream from his fingers then he opened the fridge, retrieved a beer and handed it to Michael. Their fingers brushed as Michael took the drink from him. He looked up from beneath his lashes and Alex could still see the scared confusion in his deep brown eyes. His rumpled curls were even more unruly than usual which made him look just like the seventeen year old boy Alex had first fallen in love with. The one who had tried to protect him; now it was his turn to repay the favour.

Alex let go of the bottle and started to step away when Michael reached out and grabbed his wrist. He stopped and looked down at him but Michael was staring at Alex’s hand, the one he’d just used to tend to Michael’s wound. He brought Alex’s hand to his face and softly kissed the back of his palm.

“Thank you” Michael whispered.

“It was just a bandage” Alex replied.

“No, it’s not… It’s so much more than that, Alex”

His hand still in Michael’s, he sank down into the chair he’d just vacated and looked at the damaged man before him.

“Guerin” he started. “I’m sorry I called you the town slut”

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you the truth” Michael whispered “I hope one day you’ll understand”

“Why did you do it? Why did you try to blow up an empty plot of land?”

“I believe the crash was real and that the government wanted to build on the land so they could excavate it and find alien technology”

“Guerin” Alex made a sound like an exasperated sigh.

“If the US Government got their hands on alien tech, the rest of the world would suffer” Michael said.

“The Government aren’t all bad” Alex tried to assure him.

“You’re not laughing at me?”

“Why would I laugh?”

“Because I think the crash was real”

“And apparently passionate enough to try to protect whatever technology the aliens brought with them” Alex actually smiled at him “is that why you spent so many years living on that land? You wanted to make sure anything left out there didn’t fall into the wrong hands?”

Michael gave a half nod, half shrug at Alex’s question and his heart skipped a beat. He was genuinely surprised to learn that there was something in this world, aside from him, that Michael Guerin believed in and was passionate about. It just hurt him to think that in all the years they’d known each other, Michael had kept it from Alex from fear of being laughed at.

Alex slowly stroked his fingers across the palm of Michael’s hand.

“Thank you for finally telling me this” Alex whispered.

“Thanks for not laughing” Michael said with a smile.

“I’ve known about your fixation on the crash for some time now” he confessed. “You were obsessed in high school… you just never outgrew it, I guess”

“How did you know about that?”

“Most guys hide porn under their beds, yours had copies of Scientific American and conspiracy theory books about the crash”

“How…?”

“That one time we were making out on your bed and Max almost caught us? I was under there for like twenty minutes before you were able to get rid of him”

He saw Michael crack a smile at the memory. The first real smile he’d seen from him all day. Michael was still in there, despite his hesitation and his guardedness.

“Thank you for… knowing where to find me” he whispered “if you hadn’t come looking for me…”

“Shhhh” Alex reached up and placed his finger to Michael’s lips “don’t say it; please don’t say it”

He couldn’t stand the thought of losing Michael and the last thing he wanted was to hear those words out loud.


	6. Chapter 6

He was still holding Alex’s hand in his; he also felt uneasy at being so close to him even though he was now about ninety-nine percent certain this was the real Alex and not the shapeshifting spectre but the alien had made a very convincing Max Evans. He felt a nervous shiver as Alex’s finger continued to stroke the back of his palm. Any second now, things could turn violent; Alex could turn into the shifter and attack him… But it wasn’t the spectre, it was _Alex_! Michael just had to keep reminding himself of that.

It was Alex who pulled away first, reached for the beer and opened it. He took a quick mouthful before handing the bottle over to Michael. It wasn’t very cold but he wasn’t about to knock it back. Without even thinking, Michael tried to down as much liquid as he could but he immediately began to cough and started choke. Alex tried to help but he waved his hand no, effectively pushing him away. He didn’t need his help; Michael eventually stopped coughing and spluttering but didn’t relinquish the beer.

He picked it up and walked away from the table, could feel Alex’s eyes on him as he left the room and returned to the bedroom. He was still in pain and lying down sounded like a plan. As he stepped into the bedroom, his bare foot kicked the box Alex had left there. Wincing in pain, he knelt on the floor and rummaged about inside. He recognized his own clothes and knew Alex had gone to his airstream for him. His heart raced as he rummaged further in the box, buried under the newspaper was one of his secret stashes. Somehow Alex had grabbed the one random box that had two bottles of nail polish remover hidden in the bottom.

Michael didn’t know how long it would be before he could get anymore so he would have to ration it. He poured a generous amount into his beer then tucked the two bottles under the bed. He sank down on top of the mattress and spent the next few minutes sipping on his drink. By the time he finished the bottle, he felt better. He wanted to thank Alex, to kiss him in gratitude for bringing him the one thing he truly needed. Sometimes he really did feel like it was fate that had brought him and Alex together.

He spent the rest of the afternoon tucked away in the bedroom, just listening to the sounds of Alex moving about the cabin. Occasionally the door would open and he’d hear Alex step outside, listen to his crutch on the wooden porch before disappearing in the grass. In those moments, he grew more on edge and would jump up to the window and peer out, he needed to be able to see Alex, to know that he was still nearby and hadn’t abandoned him. He’d stay at the window until Alex was safely back in the cabin then he’d settle back down on the bed. Now that he was almost certain he was alone in the woods with his Alex, Michael started thinking about the alien spectre and where he might be now.

Michael reached under the bed and located one of the bottles then sank back against the pillows as he took a small sip, hoping it would help him think. Max and Isobel needed to know about the shapeshifting alien spectre but he didn’t know how to get word to them. He didn’t have a phone and was pretty sure this cabin didn’t have one either. Alex would but if he asked to use it, he’d have to tell him why and given the current circumstances, he didn’t think Alex would approve of Michael wanting to call Max.

His only other option was the truth. He could tell Alex the truth about himself, Max and Isobel. Liz already knew about them and she hadn’t turned them in… Yet. Alex wouldn’t turn them in either… Would he?

Alex worked for the Air Force, it would be his duty to have to report them but Alex knew Michael was the one who blew up the Air Force land and he hadn’t handed him over for that. Was it because of his injuries? Was he just waiting for Michael to recover enough to stand trial? He sighed. Even after all these years, he still couldn’t entirely read Alex Manes.

Michael listened to the footsteps in the other room, tried to visualize what Alex was doing out there but he wasn’t curious enough to actually get up. He looked down at his scarred hand and remembered how gentle the other man had been while cleaning him up. He wanted to march right out there and kiss him, tell him how grateful he was that Alex had found him and protected him the way he had but he just couldn’t do it. What was wrong with him? He and Alex had always excelled in the physical side of their relationship.

From his spot on the bed, he watched as it became progressively darker outside, the sun setting off in the distance. When Alex finally knocked on the door to ask if he wanted anything to eat, Michael ignored him. The thought of eating anything made him feel queasy then Alex opened the door to check on him so he pretended to be asleep; he listened as Alex whispered to him for a moment before giving up and closing the door.

Now that it was dark, Michael didn’t even bother to turn a light on. He simply lay there and, once again, listened to the sounds of Alex moving about in the other room until they eventually stopped. Once he was certain Alex was asleep, Michael ventured forth from the bedroom.

Having been lying in the dark for so long, his eyes were adjusted enough to see Alex curled up on the couch. He frowned at the sight; he couldn’t possibly be comfortable there. Michael tried looking for a blanket or something but couldn’t see _that_ well in the darkness. He managed to quietly navigate his way into the kitchen and over to the refrigerator where he took two bottles of beer before changing his mind and taking two more. It was slow going trying to navigate his way back to the bedroom with all that beer.

He finally made it and pushed the door closed behind him then he immediately cracked one open. Michael sat on the bed, drinking the beer but not really tasting it. The minutes ticked away as he finished the first bottle and reached for the second then the third. Once he finished the fourth, he got to his feet again and tried to make his way back to the kitchen but when he saw Alex, still fast asleep on the couch; he stopped and just stared at him.

It could still be the shapeshifter; he didn’t know where it had gone but if it was still here then it would mean that Max and Isobel were safe. The only thing he needed to do was find a way to prove once and for all if this was really Alex or if it was something pretending to be him. Michael slowly, quietly, moved back into the kitchen. His hands reached for the drawer and he rummaged around until he found a knife then he returned to Alex.

He stood before the couch, just staring down at him. It looked just like him, sounded just like him, it could _be_ him. All he had to do was cut him and see if he bled. Max, Isobel and himself all bled like normal but this shifter had an ethereal look to it, surely it would bleed differently? He didn’t know what to do. If he cut it and it was the alien then it could retaliate and kill him so maybe it was best to just stab it through the heart? But then if it was really Alex, it’d kill him and Michael couldn’t do that.

His hand was shaking as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, shaking his head from side to side as he tried to decide what to do. This alien had assaulted him, has caused him so much pain, and had made him flinch away from Alex’s gentle touch. It deserved to die for what it had done. He needed to stop it before it could hurt anyone else.

He could barely see through the dark and the tears that had formed in his eyes but he knew he had to do this, he needed to do this; he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t. The images that flashed through his mind of the alien shifting into Alex then Max, the pain of its fingers inside his head, reading his thoughts, wanting to break him.

He gripped the knife and raised it, moved closer to Alex and saw his face. With a low cry of pain, Michael dropped the knife and fell to the floor as the tears overcame him. He buried his face in his hands as the lights came on and he heard Alex’s confused, sleep filled voice trying to talk to him. Michael ignored him as he shook his head in defeat. He hadn’t been able to do it, now the alien was going to kill him instead.

“Guerin, what’s wrong?” Alex reached for him but Michael hissed and pulled away.

“I can’t” he sobbed “I… I can’t…”

“Can’t what?”

He heard movement as Alex struggled to make his way towards him. He felt Alex kneeling beside him and looked up to see him pick up the knife.

“Guerin?” a look of utter fear washed over Alex’s face “what did you do? Did you try to… hurt yourself?”

This caused Michael to sob again and he shook his head. Alex thought Michael had taken the knife to hurt himself, not Alex…

“Please, talk to me”

“I know you don’t believe it but the crash was real. Aliens are out there and it was one of them that did this to me… It looked into my mind, saw that I was trying to blow up the land and it wanted to stop me. It was a shapeshifter and it turned into you... I begged it to be anyone else so it turned into Max and it attacked me… And now I can’t be sure you’re really you because you could still be the alien and you might still be going to hurt me again” Michael said in one breath.

“So you were going to stab me with a knife?” Alex asked him.

“I was going to cut you” Michael confessed “to see if you’d bleed”

“Guerin-”

“But I couldn’t do it… If you were the alien and I attacked you, you’d kill me by retaliation but if you were really you then you wouldn’t understand why I’d want to come after you with a knife and I didn’t want to hurt you if you were really you because you’ve been nothing but good to me since you found and saved me and I lo…”

Michael finally looked up and into Alex’s confused eyes. He knew he sounded crazy, he knew Alex didn’t believe in aliens and that this would be so much easier to explain if he did know. He couldn’t stop his tears of guilt and shame as he continued to look at Alex. He watched as the other man turned the knife over and over in his hand. Any second now, he was going to turn the tables and plunge the blade into Michael’s chest.

But Alex didn’t do that; he gripped the handle tight and brought the knife down upon his arm, breaking the skin and drawing a thin layer of red blood from beneath the surface. He winced at the pain then looked up to meet Michael’s terrified gaze.

“See?” Alex whispered “I’m me”

“You are” Michael sobbed “You really are”

A wave of relief washed over him and Michael collapsed in a heap on the ground as he allowed himself to sob.

Alex had picked up the knife and cut himself to prove to Michael that he was real. It shook him to the core, knowing that Alex would do that for him. He stared up at him through his tear filled eyes and longed to reach for him, to touch him and hold him but he couldn’t move. He wanted to tell him that he loved him but he couldn’t speak. All he could do was lie on the floor and cry. Alex simply sat beside him and let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping to add more soon but it may be a few days so please be patient... any/all feedback is appreciated though :)


	7. Chapter 7

Alex sat on the floor beside Michael for a long time; he wanted to reach out and comfort him but didn’t want to startle him anymore than he already was. He could smell the alcohol on his breath but felt it was completely understandable. Michael had been through an ordeal and if he wanted a drink to help him through it, Alex wouldn’t take that away from him.

He looked down at the cut on his hand; the blood was already drying up. It hadn’t been deep or long but it had been enough to help Michael’s delusion. It broke his heart seeing Michael like this but if inventing stories of aliens was what was going to help him get past it then Alex wasn’t going to take that away from him either.

He had known for years of Michael’s fixation on the crash so it made sense that if he believed it to be real then of course he’d believe aliens were real too but Alex didn’t have the heart to tell him that if an alien had crashed on Earth over seventy years ago, it was likely to be dead now.

When Michael eventually calmed down and checked for himself one more time that the blood on Alex’s arm was real, they sat together in awkward silence.

“You missed dinner” Alex said to him “and lunch and breakfast”

He watched as Michael made a dismissive shrug of his shoulder.

“I don’t know how else to help you, Guerin” Alex confessed “I’ve never… this kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time”

“No, people get probed by aliens all the time but not actually raped”

“I guess one could argue probing is a form of rape”

“We’re really going to argue alien semantics right now?”

“We could talk about The Big Bang Theory but I’m a few seasons behind and you don’t own a TV”

“Why haven’t you turned me in?” Michael’s question caught him by surprise. He looked up and straight into Michael’s deep brown eyes.

“Do you want me to turn you in?”

“It’s your job, isn’t it?”

“It is but frankly I’m just relieved you’re not dead and, at the end of the day, the land was empty so it wasn’t like you destroyed a secret military base or anything”

“But it does make me a criminal”

“You were already a criminal”

“Right and Airmen working for the Government can’t be seen canoodling with criminals”

Michael’s words cut him deep but Alex couldn’t blame him; he wasn’t in the best headspace right now.

“You know I didn’t mean that, right?” Alex started “I… I let my dad get in my head and-”

“Again… You know he doesn’t have any control over you anymore”

“That’s easy for you to say”

“You’ve got this sweet ass cabin. You don’t have to live under his thumb anymore”

“I’m not-”

“You live under his roof, still let him dictate-”

“He’d love nothing more than for me to turn you in” Alex shifted the conversation.

“Lock me up and throw away the key” Michael agreed. “Who would I have to speak to, to arrange conjugal visits?”

Alex couldn’t help a small smile forming on his lips.

“I’m sure my dad would love to hear all about how much you’d want them” he said.

“How much I’d want them with you, you mean?” Michael added.

Their eyes met and they both nervously smiled at the other.

“Speaking of… You uh know I have to go to work tomorrow, right?” Alex asked him.

“Ahh that wretched thing known as responsibility”

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with leaving you out here all alone”

“I’m a big boy; I can take care of myself”

“Clearly”

Just like that, the mask reappeared on Michael’s face as his expression hardened. Alex immediately felt bad for what he said but it had been the truth. The last thing he wanted was for Michael to get hurt again, especially if he was hallucinating aliens attacking him so he wouldn’t have to accept the truth, that his best friend of twenty years had done this to him.

“I’m scheduled to work the next few days” Alex continued. “There’s food and other supplies here but I can go back to the junkyard and pick up anything else you might want”

“I’m good” 

“Guerin-”

“Maybe you should just stay there for the few days too, save you the hassle of coming out here to babysit me every night”

“I’m not going to leave you out here for three days”

“Miss me too much will you?”

“You know you can be a real pain in the ass sometimes”

“Try having an actual pain in the ass!”

Michael snapped before he got to his feet, swayed a little with light-headedness then stomped back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. And just like that, the progress they had made came to a screeching halt. Alex looked down at the cut again and told himself he needed to be patient, Michael needed him to be patient.

*

He was up very early in the morning as he had to get back into town to report for work. Alex didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave Michael but he had responsibilities and he couldn’t ignore them. Crutch in hand, he made his way to the bedroom and knocked very loudly on the door.

“Guerin?” he called out “Guerin?”

“Go away” he heard Michael shout back.

“I’m going… far away” he added “if I don’t turn up…”

“I told you, just go already”

“There’s food and supplies in the kitchen”

“I don’t need a babysitter”

Alex hated having this shouting match through the closed door.

“Do you want me to pass a message on to anyone?” he asked and was greeted by silence “Guerin? Did you hear me?”

The door opened suddenly and caught him by surprise. Michael looked awful, like he hadn’t slept all night. His clothes were rumbled, his eyes were almost bloodshot and his hair was all kinds of messed up.

“You would do that?” Michael asked him, his eyes searching Alex’s and he knew the other man was trying to see if he was lying to him.

“If you want me to” Alex explained. He stepped aside as Michael moved past him and into the main room, his eyes searching for something. He watched as Michael picked up a pen; Alex pointed to a drawer in the other room so Michael followed his lead. A moment later he found some envelopes and notepaper.

“I really do need to get going” Alex started, he didn’t want to rush him.

“This’ll only take a minute” Michael insisted. Sure enough, barely two minutes later he was handing a sealed envelope to Alex.

“Take this to Isobel” Michael said to him “but don’t give it to her, leave it under the door or in the mail box… Just don’t let her see you”

“Guerin?”

“Don’t let her know that you know where I am”

“What? Why not?”

“You just can’t or she’ll come looking for me”

“I wouldn’t tell her”

“She’d find out, trust me, she would”

Alex took the envelope and slipped it into his pocket.

“I… uh… I’m going to ask you not to read it” Michael said “but I can’t stop you either”

“I won’t, I promise” Alex whispered “because you’ve asked me not to”

*

Alex didn’t have time to go home first so he drove directly to the base, thankful he had an extra uniform in his locker. When he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror, he realized he looked as tired as Michael had this morning. He took several deep breaths to calm himself and tried not to think of Michael, all tucked away in the cabin with no one for company… He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not; Michael had always been a lone wolf but he wasn’t in a good head space right now.

Maybe he should just tell Isobel what had happened? She must know that Michael had gone out into the desert to blow the place up. What did she think had happened out there? Did she think Michael was dead now? He hadn’t even considered her thoughts or feelings right now. How would she react once she found out what Max had done to Michael?

“Manes?”

He snapped to attention when a fellow serviceman greeted him.

“Powell” Alex nodded to him, his own mask sliding into place.

“You look like Hell”

“Thanks”

“Your leg giving you trouble again?”

“Uh… Yeah” he lied “the past few days has… lot of uh phantom pains… You know?”

He wasn’t great at making small talk and even less comfortable with lying to a co-worker so he was relieved when he had to report to his Commanding Officer. The entire base was still abuzz with what had happened out in the desert and Security had been increased in preparation for another attack. In all the months he’d been home, he’d never seen the place in such frenzy.

The entire day passed in a fog as he couldn’t shake the image of finding Michael in the desert, seeing Michael flinch away from him and, more startling, Michael on the floor in tears with a knife; that memory was going to take a long time to fade. He rolled his sleeve back and looked down at his arm, the small scrape a reminder of what Michael needed of him and what he was willing to do for him.

It was a long, boring day and Alex was eager to get away from the base. Once back in his car, he remembered the letter Michael wanted him to deliver to Isobel. He opened the glove compartment, where he’d placed the envelope, and pulled it out then he simply stared at it. Michael had asked him not to read it and he would absolutely respect his request but he was extremely curious as to what he’d written, what he’d actually chosen to tell Isobel.

Alex drove through town to her home but once he stopped the car, he could see the light on inside and recognized Max’s car as well. He clenched the steering wheel, wanted to march inside and hit the man for what he’d done to Michael but there was still a part of him that didn’t want to believe it. He’d known Max since high school; the man didn’t have a harsh bone in his body… He simply wouldn’t do something like that and not to Michael.

Alex slowly opened the door and carefully slipped out of the car. It was a very short walk to the mailbox but he paused beside it for a moment or two longer than necessary while he contemplated if he should leave the note or not. He slipped it through the slot and returned to his car then drove away before he could change his mind.

*

Despite really wanting to, he didn’t return to the cabin that night; he went home and was surprised to see a number of cars parked outside. He made his way inside and stopped when he saw a large number of military personnel in the living room. They all stared at him; he stared right back though his eyes sought those of his father who simply glared at him with his usual air of hatred.

Everything about the situation was telling him to leave, go back to the cabin and to Michael but he was curious what was going on here. Thinking he would learn more by staying, he started to make his way up the stairs to his room. He was about three steps up when he heard his father’s voice behind him and he stopped.

“Where were you?” his father asked.

“At work” Alex replied “ _dad_ ”

“Yesterday… It was declared an emergency and all hands were expected. You didn’t show up”

“I was out of cell range”

“I’d hate to think you had anything to do with what happened out there”

Alex turned to look at him.

“You mean because it’s so easy for me to be spry and stealthy these days?” he asked.

“When you associate with known criminals, they can implicate you in unseemly things”

“Wait, you think that Mi-” Alex paused for a moment, anger rising inside of him but he forced himself to remain calm.

“If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck”

Alex stepped down a step then another to look his father in the eye. He held his gaze as he spoke to him.

“Guerin didn’t do this” he insisted.

“And how would you know that?” Jesse asked his son.

“Because he and I have been fucking for the past twenty four hours” Alex spat “and he’s got the bruises on his arms to prove it; we like to fuck hard”

He knew it was coming as his father backhanded him across the face but it was worth it. Alex lost his footing and stumbled as a result just as a fellow officer entered the room. His eyes went from the Sergeant to his son and back again.

“Is everything okay in here, Sir?” he asked.

“Alex tripped going up the stairs” Jesse replied. He reached out a hand to help him up but Alex climbed to his feet himself “after all these months you’d think he’d be used to that thing by now”

“You alright?” the officer asked Alex who simply nodded his head yes then made a hasty retreat up the stairs.

Once in his room, Alex pushed the door to but left it open just a bit in hopes the voices from downstairs would filter up to him but they all appeared to be speaking very softly now. He sank down on his bed, his heart still racing, the shock still present. After all these years, his father still didn’t think twice about hitting him. Maybe Michael was right, maybe he did need to get the heck out of here. It had been long enough, for the town to believe Jesse had welcomed his son home to recuperate but he was physically healed now… Finding his own place would be a good way to start mentally healing.

At least he’d established himself as Michael’s alibi now, if anyone tried to pin the attack on him then Alex had just solidified his own involvement. All he could do now was wait and see just how strong his father’s hatred was of Michael and of him to see if the man would attempt to prove they were both responsible for this.

Would Jesse Manes send his own son to prison?


	8. Chapter 8

After Alex left, Michael wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. It wasn’t that he needed Alex there to entertain him but his presence had been a comfort, knowing he wasn’t alone in unfamiliar territory. With the place to himself, he didn’t stay in the bedroom but the cabin wasn’t very big so it didn’t take him long to grow bored of the place. He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge but the only thing that caught his eye was the beer. He’d not eaten since… well, he couldn’t remember but he wasn’t ready to stomach food just yet so he grabbed a beer and collapsed on the couch.

He took his time with it, sipping slowly but not really enjoying it. Too lazy to get up, he craned his neck and closed his eyes, visualizing the bottles stashed under the bed and started to envision one coming towards him. It was nice to be able to use his powers and not have to worry about Alex catching him. He uncapped the bottle and poured some into the beer. He was still going to have to make it last, especially since he couldn’t ask for any more. He’d never be able to come up with a realistic excuse as to why he’d need nail polish remover.

Michael looked down at his bare chest and noted the skin wasn’t as black and blue as it had been the previous night. That was obviously a good sign. He curled up on the couch with his beer and his pain relief and just stared at the empty fireplace. Under other circumstances, he could picture sitting on the floor with Alex and making out with him by the firelight. He thought of the other man, remembering how he’d picked up the knife and cut himself to prove to Michael who he was and he found himself blinking back tears. Not only had Alex saved him, protected him, cared for him, he was still doing all he could to help him.

He knew he didn’t deserve any of it. He’d destroyed land owned by the Military; if he was caught, he’d be locked up and Sergeant Manes would personally throw the key away. Not for the first time, he wondered if Sergeant Manes would turn him in anyway, frame him if need be, just to have him locked up and far away from Alex… Because sending Michael to Military prison would instantly turn Alex straight.

He scoffed at that thought. It pissed him off to no end the way Jesse Manes treated his son. Alex was the sweetest most considerate human Michael had ever met. It had been near impossible to not fall in love with him. Why couldn’t Jesse see how incredible his son was? Because he was blinded by anger, anger over Alex’s sexuality… The one thing Alex couldn’t change or choose. Jesse was an ass to his son over something that wasn’t his son’s doing.

His anger was building and the glass bottle in his hand shattered completely. The shock caught him off guard but at least he’d finished the drink so he hadn’t wasted any beer. To distract himself from his thoughts, he cleaned up the broken pieces and discarded them before returning to the bedroom but he didn’t go there to sleep. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t think he’d sleep ever again.

*

Alex didn’t come back that night. Michael locked himself in the bathroom while he showered then he locked himself in the bedroom once it got dark but he left the light on and sat by the window, staring up at the moon and wondering if Alex had delivered his letter to Isobel. He also wondered if Alex had kept his word and not read it… If he had, he’d probably be confused as to why Michael would write to Isobel about a shapeshifting alien and not mention Max at all but Michael hadn’t wanted to go into much detail, Max and Isobel didn’t need to know what the alien had done to him… They just needed to know he was okay but that there was an alien out there who could hurt them.

He stayed awake all night; after he found a book in the closet about hunting, he read that until the sun came up but he didn’t really take in a word of it. He turned the light off and watched as the sun grew brighter over the horizon. It was beautiful out here; he wished Alex was here to enjoy it with him or to make him enjoy it.

Michael attempted to make and eat breakfast today but it tasted like sawdust in his mouth and he coughed and spluttered his way through it until he started dry-retching in the sink. He had another shower, the water soothing his fading bruises then he pulled on his own clothes, the ones Alex had brought from his airstream. It was a small comfort but it made him start to feel like himself again.

He ventured out of the cabin and went for a walk around the outside. There was nothing around for miles but walking made him feel like he was doing something. When he returned from a very lengthy stroll, he found an axe and what appeared to be a very big pile of logs that needed to be chopped for the fireplace.

He wasn’t about to let the pain win; he picked up the axe and positioned it just right then brought it down on a particularly large log. Michael cried out from the pain that shot through him and he sank to his knees, pounding his fists into the dirt in frustration.

“I thought I heard voices up here the other day”

A voice caused him to jump up and look around in confusion. An older gentleman with a friendly face was smiling at him. Michael estimated him to be around Jesse Manes’ age; he was dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt and had kind eyes.

“Who are you?” Michael asked him as he looked around for the axe.

“I’m Butch” he replied.

“I can see that” the man laughed.

“We have a standing contract to maintain the cabin” he explained “my wife or myself come out here once a week and make sure everything’s in order. I was here the other day but saw a car and figured Alex must’ve finally come out here”

“You know Alex?”

“I know this place was left to him after Jim’s passing but as far as I could tell, no one’s been out here for years”

“And you’ve been looking after it all this time?”

“You betcha”

“I’m Michael… I’m a friend of Alex’s. He’s not here right now”

“Well, if you’ll be staying on for a bit, I guess you won’t need me poking about the place. I’ll come back in a few days… unless you need anything in the mean time?”

“Like what?”

“You tell me; nearest store is an hour away and you don’t appear to have a car”

“Alex’ll be back soon so we’re good, Butch”

“Well, you just give me a holler if you need anything”

“A holler? How?”

Butch pointed down the drive.

“I’m five miles that way, just stay in a straight line and you can’t miss me” he explained “it’s a fair walk but I have a phone if you need it”

“I’ll keep that in mind”

“Guess I’ll see you around, son”

Michael watched as Butch turned on his heel and quietly as he appeared, disappeared down the drive. He stared at his retreating form until he was well out of sight then Michael sat down on the pile of logs, deep in thought. Butch had a phone, he could call Max and tell him what had happened but that would mean he didn’t trust Alex to deliver his letter to Isobel.

Calling Max would be a mistake; Max was a deputy, he’d trace the call then he and Isobel would come running out here to haul him back to town and he wasn’t ready for that yet. He wasn’t ready to be around others, especially not them. He wasn’t ready to tell them what had happened. His letter had been vague, explaining he’d been hurt but was okay and healing. The important thing was he’d told them to be weary of another Alien… whether they believed him was another story.

He fell asleep on the log pile but woke up soon after nodding off, remembering how the alien had invaded his mind and his body. The memory shook him awake and he screamed aloud; the entire pile of logs erupted as pieces of wood flew in all directions. Michael ducked out of the way in time to avoid being hit then he looked around to assess the damage. Fortunately none of the logs had smashed any of the cabin windows. Too exhausted to worry about it now, he got to his feet and stumbled back into the cabin where he proceeded to finish what was left of the beer. He also cracked open the other bottle of nail polish remover.

Michael eventually pulled the blanket off the bed and curled up on the floor in front of the fireplace. There was just enough kindling to light a fire which he simply stared at until his eyes couldn’t focus through his tears and he collapsed on the rug in a fit of tears.

*

Morning came with still no sign of Alex and Michael started to regret the words and tone he’d used toward him. He hadn’t needed a babysitter but he was in need of company. Not just any company though, he wanted it to be Alex. All he could think about was the look of utter fear on his face when he’d found Michael in the desert and the concern he’d shown him after. Alex had been so tender and gentle with him as he’d washed the blood away and bandaged his back. He wasn’t ready to be touched by anyone but he wanted to feel Alex’s tenderness again.

It reminded him of a time, long ago, when Alex had climbed in his bedroom window late one night. He’d been quiet as a mouse but Michael had sensed his presence and, being a light sleeper, had snapped to attention. Alex had had a bloody nose and the makings of a black eye. Michael had wanted to march straight to the Manes home and return the favour to Alex’s dad but instead he’d sat Alex down on his bed and held a cloth to his face until the bleeding stopped then he’d carefully placed an ice pack to the bruised eye in hopes it would fade by morning.

They’d spent the night curled up on Michael’s bed, Alex shaking in his arms for most of it, while Michael whispered a mix of sweet reassurances and evil threats towards his father in his ear. It had pained him to have to take care of such injuries on someone as kind, sweet and beautiful as Alex but now it was comforting for the tables to have turned and Alex to be the one to take care of him.

He tossed the blanket aside and made his way outside. The wood pile was still a mess; he looked down at his hand then up at the discarded logs. He stared at one until it started to shake then it rose off the ground and flew back to where it belonged on the pile. Michael did this several more times, using his power to put everything back in place until all evidence of his outburst had been cleared away then he picked up the axe, winced and dropped it again.

He didn’t normally get this wiped from using his powers but he obviously wasn’t as healed as he thought. Using his powers, he picked up the axe and cut a piece of wood then another but by the third he was exhausted and collapsed on the front porch.

Michael needed to build up his strength; he also needed to eat something. When he heard an approaching car, he assumed it was Butch coming back to annoy him again but the car came to a stop and he heard Alex’s frantic voice. He sat up and watched as Alex tried to hurry toward him but the grass wasn’t kind to his crutch.

“Guerin?” Alex dropped down beside him. “What are you doing out here? You didn’t try to… chop wood?”

“I wanted to help” Michael’s reply sounded weak.

“Guerin” Alex said with an exasperated sigh. “What am I going to do with you?”

Michael suddenly reached out and grabbed Alex’s hand in his then he stared into the other man’s eyes.

“Don’t leave me again” he whispered “please don’t leave…” his voice dropped even quieter “stay here with me”

“I’m sorry” Alex replied “I didn’t mean to be gone so long”

“What happened to your eye?” Michael asked as he reached up to touch Alex’s cheek. Alex winced at the touch.

“Master Sergeant Manes” he replied.

“What did he do? Why’d he do it?”

“I goaded him… He accused you of blowing up the air force land”

“Which I did”

“I told him that I knew it wasn’t you because I was with you when it blew up”

“Alex”

“Not a total lie; I _was_ with you... I just told him we were too busy fucking to be blowing shit up”

“You didn’t”

“I did and this was his response” Alex pointed to his eye.

Michael didn’t know what to say.

“I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me” Michael choked.

“Really? When are you ever going to learn that I would do anything to help you, Guerin?”

Michael simply smiled, unable to think of anything snarky to say.

“Now get up and help me back to the car” Alex said to him as he climbed to his feet. “You can carry the beer inside”

“You brought more beer?”

“I assumed you’d have finished it all by now”

“You know me so well” Michael smiled sadly, wishing Alex only knew him even better. Maybe one day he would.


	9. Chapter 9

Alex kept a wary eye on Michael while the other man carried the supplies in from the car. He’d definitely felt uncomfortable with leaving him alone the past few days but he’d had little choice. Actually hearing Michael ask him not to leave again really tore at his heart as he’d realized just how much pain he was still in. The strangest part was as soon as Michael emptied the car, he immediately retreated back into the bedroom. Alex let him go, decided it best to leave him be then he surveyed the cabin, trying to determine what he’d gotten up to in his absence.

There were remnants of a fire in the fireplace and the bedcovers were on the floor so he assumed Michael had spent the night in front of the fire. All the beer was gone, as he’d predicted, but very few other things had been touched. He feared this meant Michael still hadn’t eaten anything.

He set about the kitchen, preparing some soup; once it was ready, he knocked on the bedroom door and asked Michael to join him for dinner. There was no answer but Alex didn’t want to push so he returned to the kitchen, pulled up a chair then started to eat, he was almost finished when he heard the bedroom door open. Alex didn’t want to make a big deal so he simply continued eating.

When Michael appeared in the kitchen, he was still wearing the same jeans but had put one of his shirts on, his feet were still bare. They didn’t make a sound as he moved to the stove and poured a small bowl of soup. Neither of them said a word as Michael picked up a spoon and joined Alex at the table.

Alex finished eating then cleaned and rinsed his bowl before putting it back in the cupboard but then he didn’t know what to do. Should he sit back down at the table or move into the living room. Maybe he should light a fire? Was that something Michael would want?

He made his way outside and picked up two pieces of wood for the fireplace. When he stepped back inside, he could feel Michael’s eyes on him, watching him as he deposited the logs into the fireplace. Alex lit the fire then stoked the flames before settling back on the floor. He placed his crutch aside and closed his eyes, relaxing for the first time in days. The sound of the chair scraping the floor caught his attention but Alex kept his eyes closed; Michael’s bare feet moved noiselessly across the floor when Alex opened his eyes it was to find Michael sitting beside him on the rug but Michael wasn’t looking at Alex’s face so he didn’t know the other man was watching him.

Alex watched him nervously, waiting to see what he would do next. He remained very still, unmoving, hardly daring to breathe from fear of startling Michael. He barely blinked as Michael slowly reached out and grasped the sleeve of Alex’s shirt then gently rolled it up to examine the faded cut. Alex gasped which caused Michael to snatch his hand away.

“I’m still me” Alex whispered.

Michael’s eyes darted up to meet Alex’s and they stared at each other for a long time. He could see the fear in the other man’s eyes so he rolled his sleeve up to his elbow then reached out to take hold of Michael’s hand which he brought up and placed on the faded cut. Michael gently ran his finger along the small scar before he folded, wrapped his arms around himself and slowly lie down, leaning his head upon Alex’s lap.

Alex smiled almost sadly to himself then reached up and gently brushed his hand through Michael’s curls. He half expected him to pull away so was surprised when Michael appeared to relax against him. They stayed together on the floor before the fire, just staring at the flames for a long time. Neither of them moved, Alex offering comfort to Michael and Michael so eager to accept it.

*

Alex must’ve fallen asleep in front of the fire for the next thing he knew, the room was dark and the fire had burnt itself out. He was alone and Michael was gone. Alex reached for his crutch and pulled himself to his feet then stumbled towards the bedroom but it was empty. He told himself not to panic as he checked the also empty bathroom. The clock told him it was after four am and he felt his panic rising. Alex opened the front door and stepped outside where he found Michael sitting on the porch bench with several beers around him.

“Guerin?” he could hear the panic in his own voice “don’t scare me like that”

“What?” Michael turned around as Alex made his way toward him and sat beside him.

“I woke up and you were gone”

“Couldn’t sleep… You looked so exhausted that I was afraid I’d wake you”

Alex nodded his head in understanding then reached for the beer Michael was holding. He took the bottle and drew a mouthful. It wasn’t even cold, how long had Michael been sitting out here?

“Have you even slept since…?” Alex started to ask.

“Hardly” Michael confessed “I close my eyes and I see it; feel it and I can’t stop it”

“The bruises are fading”

“The memory isn’t”

“I’m so sorry this happened to you”

“Guess it was my own fault for doing something so stupid”

“Well, when you set your mind to something…”

“Max tried to talk me out of it” Michael admitted “he even _forbade_ me from doing it… But I never did learn how to listen to him”

“Well, you didn’t listen to me, either” Alex softly added “I practically begged you to stay with me”

He watched Michael very closely, remembering the conversation they’d had in his bedroom when he’d asked Michael to stay, had shown him how much he wanted him to stay.

“If I’d stayed” Michael whispered with a sigh.

“I would’ve pulled you into my bed and not let you leave” Alex added “and my father would’ve caught us. He walked in like the second you disappeared out the window”

“Bet your daddy would’ve loved to have caught us together again”

“Well he’s not here now”

“Alex-”

Alex reached out and took hold of Michael’s hand.

“You look like crap” he told him “you need to rest. Please? Just lie down on the bed for a while”

Michael slowly nodded his head yes and stood up then he held his hands out, helped Alex to his feet and they made their way back inside. Alex led the way through the cabin towards the bedroom and they both stopped in the doorway, just stared at the bed then Michael vanished and appeared a moment later with the cover sheet which he threw over the mattress.

Alex watched in surprise as Michael shimmied out of his jeans then slid under the blanket. The room was dark but they could see just enough due to the moonlight shining through the window. Alex moved toward the other side of the bed and sat down. He eased his prosthetic off and placed it aside with his crutch then he removed the shoe from his foot and tossed aside his own pants.

Minutes later they were lying side by side in the small bed; Alex rolled onto his side to look at Michael and he could just make out his shape, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. The light on his face showed how nervous he was so Alex reached out and took his hand in his. He could feel the tension in Michael’s entire body. Until Michael’s hand slipped free of Alex’s and started to trail up his arm to the cut Alex had given himself.

Michael gently brushed his fingers over it several times; obviously reassuring himself that it was definitely Alex in the bed beside him. 

“It’s okay” Alex whispered through the darkness “I’m still me”

“So am I” Michael replied “promise me you’ll remember that”

“Remember what?”

“Whatever happens in the future, remember the seventeen-year-old me that you… connected with in high school”

Alex reached up and placed his other hand atop of Michael’s which was still resting on Alex’s arm.

“Whatever happens, nothing between us will change” Alex assured him.

“Alex”

“Not after all we’ve been through anyway”

Michael smiled but Alex could sense something was off. He didn’t say anything though because all that mattered now was giving Michael time to rest and heal. He kept his hand on Michael’s until he fell asleep but when he woke up in the morning, the bed beside him was empty and Michael was, once again, gone.

*

He told himself not to panic, that Michael couldn’t or wouldn’t have gone far. He affixed his prosthetic then stopped when he heard a familiar sound. He slid across the bed and could see out the window where Michael was, once again, attempting to chop wood. Alex sighed and sank back down on the mattress. He knew he should stop him, didn’t want him to injure himself further but Michael seemed so determine to want to chop the firewood.

Alex needed to give him space so he left Michael to his own devices and, once dressed, made his way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. His one hope was that he could get Michael to eat or drink something because he was about to resort to very drastic measures as he rummaged about in the supplies he’d brought with him and located the box of sleeping tablets. He crushed them up and slipped them into Michael’s pancake batter; once cooked, he carried the plate outside and found Michael taking a break.

“Don’t ask me to stop” Michael said to him.

“I wasn’t going to” Alex confessed. “So long as you agree to eat this”

Alex held the plate out to Michael who seemed hesitant but took the offered food. His eyes lingered on Alex’s arm until he saw Alex pull the sleeve back then he appeared to settle again. Michael picked up the pancake and took a large bite then looked at Alex, as though waiting for him to say something else but Alex simply nodded his head. He didn’t stay and make sure Michael ate the entire thing; he knew he should but he didn’t want Michael to think he was watching him too closely. He went back inside and prepared food for himself.

Long after he’d finished eating, he realized Michael hadn’t started chopping again. He made his way to the window and peered out, Michael was just sitting on the log pile, seemingly staring off into space. Alex wasn’t sure what to do.

But it wasn’t long before the door opened and Michael came inside with the plate in his hand.

“I uh think I might go lie down for a while” Michael admitted.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, his voice filled with concern.

“Just tired, I guess”

He remained neutral, didn’t want to make Michael suspicious or anything so he simply nodded and watched as Michael made his way into the bedroom and closed the door. With any luck, he’d be out for a few hours.

*

Alex was outside, surveying the chopped wood when he sensed something off and he made his way around the porch to find a figure peering in the window. Kyle? What was he doing here? He watched as Kyle picked up a piece of wood and made to smash the window… a sound that could wake Michael!

“You could try knocking” his voice caught Kyle off-guard and he spun around to look at him “it’s less a felony but it’s also less dramatic so… depends on what you were going for”

It was very clear that Kyle hadn’t been expecting to find Alex of all people out here but against his better judgement, he unlocked the door and let Kyle into the living room.

“I’d forgotten all about this place, our dad’s old hunting cabin” Kyle said as he looked around.

“Your dad’s, technically” Alex said. “So, you wanna tell me what you drove all the way out here for?” he tried to sound polite but was terrified Michael would wake up and not appreciate Kyle being there.

“Legacy, I guess” Kyle looked uncertain “this place wasn’t part of the assets in his will. Guess I wanted to know what happened to it”

“When I got back from Iraq, he left me the key and a letter telling me I could have the place. I figured that you knew”

This was all news to Alex. When Kyle held out the keychain for him, he knew this could drag on. Kyle was clearly out here for a reason.

“You mind if I poke around and see if I can find a lock?” Kyle asked him. Panic filled him. Alex couldn’t tell Kyle the truth but he couldn’t exactly let him go snooping about either. His one hope right now was that Michael was still sleeping. “Then I’ll take off”

Letting him look around was probably the quickest way to get rid of him.

“When I got here, I put everything that reminded me of the good old days in the closet” the irony still wasn’t lost on him and didn’t appear to be over Kyle’s head either “go nuts… But stay out of the bedroom”

“Why’s that?”

“There’s no lock in there, okay?”

“How can you be sure?”

“Just stay out of there, okay?”

“You got a guy tied up in there or something?”

“Yeah, of course because the first thing I could think to do with this place was turn it into a sex cabin”

He dropped his cup on the table and walked away, out the front door and onto the porch. Alex moved to the window and peered into the bedroom; Michael was still sleeping. His only hope was that Kyle would respect his request and not go in there.

Alex sat on the porch; trying to think of any plausible excuse he could give to Kyle should he happen to find Michael… Sure, Kyle knew he was gay, had teased him mercilessly at school over it but he wasn’t ready for Kyle to _know_ about him and Michael especially when the entire reason for them being here wasn’t what Kyle would think it was. It wasn’t like the truth was that plausible either, Michael Guerin is hiding in your dad’s old cabin because Max Evans raped him… Kyle would never believe that. No one would believe that... Alex wasn’t even sure he believed it and he’d practically seen it with his own eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

He’d nodded off, somehow, and had even managed to get a decent amount of sleep. There was no clock in the room but it was dark outside. Michael had miraculously slept the entire day without a single nightmare. He sat up and slid off the bed, started towards the door when he thought he could hear voices and instantly began to panic. Alex had assured him they’d be safe out here; that no one knew about this place. His heart was racing; what if the visitor was the shapeshifting alien? What if they were hurting Alex right now?

Michael hurried to open the door just enough to hear the voices from the small living area. Alex was talking to Kyle Valenti.

“I’m sorry… for… dragging you into all this” Kyle was saying. He really did sound sorry which Michael found odd.

“Kyle” Alex addressed him “how many men do you know who were a father to any and every kid who needed one? That’s who Jim Valenti was” Michael tried to peer into the room, to see either Alex or Kyle but the door wasn’t in the right spot for spying on them. “And he was yours… the dad I got was a monster, _is_ a monster”

“Because he sent you off to war?”

“My father was my war and your dad saw it”

Michael could hear the pain in Alex’s voice. His own hand began to tremble as he remembered the fear in Alex’s eyes all those years ago when Jesse Manes had caught them together.

“Your dad saw it when we were kids. Do you remember the summer we built the treehouse?”

“Yeah” Kyle said.

“That’s the summer that my dad found out I was gay; he knew before I did... He thought he could beat it out of me. Jim tried to intervene but you can’t make someone stop hating someone…” Alex paused, clearly lost in painful memories “and my dad hated me”

Michael could feel tears forming in his eyes, he wanted to go out there and hug Alex, tell him it was over now and things could still get better.

“You’ve got it wrong; you know?” Kyle spoke up “my dad didn’t leave you that key because he thought you were weak. He would’ve never thought that about you… You’re the bravest person I know”

Michael froze; finding it hard to think those words of comfort were coming from Kyle Valenti of all people. The main person who’d bullied Alex something fierce throughout high school. Hearing them speak so openly was strange but the room was quiet now. Neither of them had said goodbye but Michael heard the door open then close and a moment later he heard a car start, Kyle drive away.

He slowly made his way into the living area where Alex was sitting on the couch, lost in deep thoughts. It appeared Alex had completely forgotten Michael was even there. He crossed the room and sank down in the seat beside him, reached for his hand, entwined their fingers.

When Alex turned to look at him, Michael reached up with his other hand and brushed the tears from Alex’s face before gently cupping his cheek with his hand.

“I didn’t know Kyle had it in him to be so nice” Michael whispered.

“He’s becoming a lot more like his dad every day” Alex admitted.

“It sounds like Jim Valenti thought highly of you”

“He was more of a father to me than mine ever was”

“He must’ve cared a lot to leave you this place”

“Yeah I guess so”

“So… What was Kyle doing here?”

Alex sighed then reached up and took hold of Michael’s hand, pulled it away from his face.

“Looking for answers to questions that he hasn’t asked yet” Alex confessed.

“Did he find what he was looking for?”

“Who knows…? But I don’t think he’ll be back anytime soon”

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Alex paused “how much did you hear?”

“Not a lot” Michael admitted “what happened while building a tree house to make him realize you were gay?”

“I don’t know… Maybe he thought I was watching Kyle too closely but that was because I was terrified he’d hurt himself, doing something stupid”

“I still can’t fathom that the two of you used to be friends”

“That was a long time ago before he became a jock and I started wearing nail polish”

Michael turned Alex’s hand over to look at his nails.

“I miss the nail polish, you know” he admitted “and the eye liner”

“And the nose ring?” Alex asked.

“Not so much… When we’d kiss I was terrified it’d get caught on something and like rip out”

“Get caught on what?”

“I don’t know”

Alex laughed but there was sadness behind his eyes, Kyle’s visit had obviously stirred up a lot of uneasy memories for him.

“Are you hungry?” Alex asked as he pulled away from Michael and got to his feet. “I’m hungry, you want dinner?”

“Sure” Michael replied. He watched as Alex made his way to the kitchen. “Need a hand?”

“No, I‘m okay”

Michael nodded his head in understanding but about five minutes later, he joined Alex in the kitchen, dared to get just a little too close to him and he reached for his arm, stopped him in his tracks.

“Guerin?” Alex was confused.

“I know what you did” Michael whispered.

“What I… did?”

“I haven’t slept that good since the night I stole pills from my foster father in a failed attempt to get high… You drugged me this morning”

“You hadn’t slept in four da-” Alex started but stopped when Michael threw his arms around him.

“Thank you” he whispered “but please don’t do it again”

“I won’t” Alex assured him as he wrapped his arms around Michael and gently stroked his back “I promise”

*

Having slept for most of the day, Michael was very restless when it was time to go to bed so he decided to go for a walk and was surprised when Alex didn’t argue with or attempt to stop him. It was almost like Alex wanted to be rid of him for a while. This didn’t exactly make Michael feel any better, was he overstaying his welcome here? Did Alex maybe want him to leave, permanently?

He knew they couldn’t stay here forever; he was going to have to head back to Roswell eventually so he could get Max and Isobel to help him find the alien though he wasn’t sure what they would do once they found it. Would they kill it? Was it one of them? Should they turn it over to the government? The feds were probably looking for an alien threat; maybe they should give them one?

These thoughts swirled about in his head while he walked down the worn path, unknowingly heading to Butch’s cabin. When he finally reached it, the lights were off and the place looked abandoned. For all he knew it was after midnight or even later so no doubt the elderly man and his wife were fast asleep so he didn’t linger. He did ponder sneaking in to borrow their phone but decided against it. He wasn’t ready to hear Max’s voice just yet; he could still hear it taunting him.

‘The only thing that gives you pleasure, can also give you pain’

Michael closed his eyes and felt a shiver down his back. He wished he’d brought a jacket with him or something. He turned and slowly started the trek back to Alex’s cabin. With each step, he thought of the alien’s taunting; sex wasn’t the _only_ thing that gave him pleasure, was it? There were no doubt the alien’s cruel actions had given him immense pain… Not to mention had made him feel uncomfortable at Alex’s touch… _Alex’s touch_!

He blinked back tears, remembering how scared he’d been when Alex had tried to help him, to touch him, to simply clean him up… But he’d been convinced it wasn’t really Alex, that it had been the shapeshifting alien… Now that he was absolutely certain the alien was nowhere near him and that he really was with Alex, he was less scared of him but things between them weren’t what they used to be. They hadn’t been since the drive-in and Michael wanted, so badly, to find a way to fix this but it wasn’t up to him; Alex had been the one to walk away, they were on two different paths. Alex couldn’t be with a criminal and Michael _was_ a criminal.

The walk took much longer than he expected but when he returned to the cabin, he was surprised to find Alex still awake. He still couldn’t find a clock so he had no idea what time it was but Alex looked exhausted. Michael pushed the door closed behind him and just stood there, watching Alex who looked up at him with an expression that he couldn’t decipher then Alex got to his feet and moved towards Michael who, involuntarily, took a step back. He immediately felt bad and lowered his eyes in guilt.

With his eyes down, he saw the flash of the silver knife in Alex’s hand and he instantly felt the panic begin to rise inside him but Alex rolled back his sleeve and made another small cut on his arm; Michael watched the blood trickle from it.

“Alex?” Michael gasped.

“I’m still me” Alex assured him. “The other one was fading and I… I just wanted you to know…”

Michael’s eyes filled with tears. He was so overcome that he threw his arms around Alex and buried his face in the other man’s neck. He felt Alex’s arm around his waist, pulling him closer, and he didn’t pull away. He wanted to show Alex how much he trusted and cared for him; he needed Alex to know that he was in it for the long haul, that he wanted to be there with him.

“You look tired” Michael whispered in his ear.

“Long day” Alex confessed “Kyle can be a bit much”

“You should go to bed”

“Will you come with me?” he whispered.

He nodded his head in agreement but when he broke away from Alex, he moved into the kitchen instead of the bedroom. Alex watched him, confused, until he saw the bandage in his hand. He smiled as Michael wiped away the blood and bandaged the fresh cut on his arm.

“How many times are you going to do this to yourself?” Michael softly him.

“As many as you need me to” Alex replied. Michael nodded his head as he blinked back fresh tears.

He took Alex’s hand in his and followed the other man to the bedroom. Once again, they shed some of their clothing and climbed under the covers. Michael curled up in a ball, on his side, looking at Alex who was lying on his back with his arm under the pillow, gazing at the ceiling. He shifted closer, could just make out his features in the darkness. When he reached out and placed his hand upon Alex’s naked chest, the other man didn’t move. Michael wondered if he’d fallen asleep already in which case he definitely needed to stop touching his nipple. He pulled his hand away and just stared at him, pretending he could see his closed eyes and the curl of his beautiful lips.

“I’m sorry, Alex” Michael whispered into the darkness. “I’m sorry I’m not the man you deserve… You’re right, you’re an airman and I’m a criminal” the words still stung even when he said them himself “you deserve the World”

He didn’t hear a sound from the man sleeping beside him so he settled back on the bed and just pretended everything was okay.

*

Michael didn’t sleep all night but once the sun began to trickle in through the window, he sat up and just watched Alex sleeping so peacefully beside him. He could never repay him for all he’d done for him, rescuing him from the burning air force land, hiding him here and making sure he was healing okay. Alex truly was the kindest, sweetest soul he knew. His life had been just as terrible as Michael’s but he didn’t let it get him down; Michael’s mantra that had gotten him this far in life was that all humans suck… All humans except for Alex Manes anyway.

He was still gazing at Alex’s face, examining the scar on his forehead and fighting the urge to reach out and touch it when Alex began to stir. Michael lay back down, closed his eyes to feign sleep but he knew Alex wouldn’t fall for it.

“I know you’re awake, Guerin” Alex said to him.

Michael opened his eyes and met with Alex’s deep brown ones. God, he wanted to kiss him so badly! Especially when Alex smiled at him like he was right now. He found himself reaching for Alex’s hand, once again entwining their fingers then Alex brought Michael’s hand up to his face and kissed his palm which caused his heart to flutter. He moved closer and rested his head in the crook of Alex’s shoulder, felt Alex press a kiss to his forehead then Alex’s fingers were in his hair, twisting his curls around his digits. Michael couldn’t help smiling at Alex’s gentle touch.

“I don’t care what you think I deserve” Alex whispered “I just want to be with you”

“You’re an airman and I’m a criminal” Michael’s heart was pounding. Alex _hadn’t_ been asleep!

“Maybe I don’t want to be an airman anymore”

“Well… Maybe I don’t want to be a criminal anymore”

Alex dropped another kiss to Michael’s forehead, his fingers still teasing his hair.

“Maybe this is something we can talk about later” Alex said to him.

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t… Have you got something else you’d rather talk about?”

“Yeah, actually… I do”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“Why do you believe the ’47 crash was real?” Michael tensed in Alex’s arms, knowing he couldn’t tell him the truth. He started to pull away but Alex wouldn’t let him, held him in his arms. “Don’t… Don’t pull away; don’t look at me, just talk to me… Tell me why you believe the crash was real, please? Just be honest about it and I won’t judge you, I promise”

“I found something out there once” Michael confessed “something that definitely isn’t from around here… with weird symbols on it”

“I think _something_ came down that day” Alex admitted “something that wasn’t a weather balloon and maybe the Government covered it up”

Michael pulled away from Alex’s embrace and started down at him in surprise. Alex looked up at him from beneath his lashes and smiled very nervously at him.

“You… You believe me?” Michael gasped.

“I believe that you believe it… but anything that crashed to earth that long ago would be long dead by now”

Michael was so overcome with emotion that he didn’t even think, just moved on instinct and he practically jumped on top of Alex, straddling his thighs; he reached out, placed both hands on Alex’s neck and pulled him into a deep kiss of gratitude. Knowing that Alex didn’t think he was crazy was only the first step but it was a step in the right direction.

Alex ran his hands up Michael’s thighs and around his waist, pulled his body close and deepened their kiss. There was a passionate desperation behind Michael’s kisses, one Alex had never experienced before.

“If I had known believing you sooner would have this kind of effect on you, I would have…” Alex trailed off into a low moan as Michael’s fingers teased his nipple, hardening it instantly. Their movements were also affecting Alex’s body in other ways and Michael felt his cock beginning to harden against his thigh. The hardness sent a painful memory through his body and Michael leapt off of Alex, off the bed and halfway across the room; his heart pounding with fear and eyes filled with shock.


	11. Chapter 11

“Guerin, are you okay?” Alex asked as he sat up and reached out a hand for Michael who’d tried to scamper away. “Guerin, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t” he shook his head as tears filled his eyes. “I’m sorry… I want to but I can’t”

“Want to what…? Oh”

Alex looked down between his own legs, at the tenting in his underwear, and realized what had scared Michael away.

“I’m sorry” he hastily apologised, blushing furiously “I’m sorry… I guess you just turn me on so much”

Thankfully, Michael was able to chuckle at this and Alex was relieved to see the tiny smile on his lips.

“No, it’s not you” Michael insisted “it’s me… it’s me and whatever that bastard did to me”

“We’ll get through this, Guerin, I promise”

“I’m sorry”

“Hey… Hey” Alex waved his arm, indicated for Michael to come back to him “Guerin, come back here”

“Alex-”

“Don’t make me get up because I can’t right now” he nodded over to the corner where Michael had placed his prosthetic the previous night, well out of his reach right now.

“Oh” Michael blushed “sorry, I… I’m an idiot”

“Guerin, please come here”

Michael stepped closer; Alex could see the nervous hesitation as he climbed back on the bed but didn’t get too close so Alex reached out, took his hand in his and stared into his terrified eyes.

“What happened to you was traumatic” Alex insisted “and you’re not going to get over it overnight but you don’t have to apologize to me for what you’re going through. I’m sorry if my… enthusiasm for you was too much”

“But it shouldn’t be” Michael argued “do you have any idea how badly I want you right now?”

“It’s okay”

“No, it’s not and that’s the point… That thing could have killed me but it didn’t; it chose to do _that_ instead. It chose to use Max’s face to do it and its actions managed to make me afraid of you… You, Alex! To the point that you took a knife to your skin, _twice_ , to prove to me that you’re real”

His eyes were brimming with tears as he spilled all of this to Alex who simply continued to hold his hand.

“It looked into my mind” Michael continued “and it wanted to cause the most damage… and it used sex to do it… What does that say about me, Alex?”

“Guerin-”

“You said it yourself… You said I was the town slut”

“I never should have called you that”

“But you did because you must’ve thought it at some point”

Alex really didn’t want to be having this conversation but he knew Michael needed to vent.

“Maria” he admitted “she used to write me while I was away and she often talked of your… antics at the Wild Pony… She thought it was just town gossip… She had no idea how much it hurt me, thinking of you with some many other people”

“There wasn’t that many, I swear!”

“Over ten years… I’m sure there was quite a few”

“What about you? Ten years is a long time… How many…?” but Michael didn’t finish the question, just trailed off.

“It wasn’t like I had many dating opportunities in Iraq”

“What? What about all those sexy officers in uniform?”

“Yeah because those baggy Air Force fatigues are just so fabulous”

“I’m sorry” Michael averted his eyes “I had no right to ask”

“Can you uh…” Alex looked across the room at his prosthetic “do you mind getting my things so I can get up?”

“Not yet” Michael replied. “Please?”

He frowned as Michael lay back down, cuddling into his side and placed his hand upon Alex’s chest. He slid his arm around Michael’s shoulder and held him close.

“Can we stay like this for just a few minutes?” Michael asked him.

“We can stay for as long as you want” Alex replied. “Okay?”

“Okay”

*

As long as Michael wanted ended up being most of the morning as he nodded off to sleep in Alex’s embrace and he didn’t wish to wake or disturb him so Alex just lay there, held Michael safely in his arms and softly stroked his fingers up and down the man’s back. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine different circumstances, what it would be to be able to lay like this always, to have a life with the man in his arms.

His father would never allow it but it wasn’t like his father really had any say in his life anymore. His father may have forced him into a life and a career in the Air Force but he couldn’t force his heart to stop loving Guerin. He leaned down and placed a kiss to Michael’s forehead while his fingers teased the unruly curls of his hair.

Finding him in the desert, broken and hurt, covered in blood, was absolutely terrifying. Alex never wanted to see him like that again, only wanted to be able to protect him. He hadn’t been able to protect him ten years ago when his father had taken a hammer to his hand but things could be different now… Couldn’t they? He’d already lied to the man, insisted he’d been with Michael when the land was destroyed and would the Air Force even care that much? It was going to be levelled anyway.

“I’m sorry I walked away at the drive in” Alex whispered “it wasn’t about the stupid copper wire”

“I know” Michael replied. Alex paused his ministrations, having believed Michael to still be asleep. “I’m sorry I dragged you into all this”

“You didn’t”

“I did… I made the decision to see you before I went out there. I was convinced I was going to die and I couldn’t die without seeing you one last time… And that’s what worried you, made you come looking for me”

“That was my decision, Guerin, I could’ve stayed away”

“Could you?”

The question hung in their air between them, they both knew the answer but neither of them voiced it. Instead, they lie together a few minutes longer until Michael got up without making a sound and handed the prosthetic to Alex who gently eased it on then slid out of bed himself. He started to reach for his crutch but he wasn’t going far so he left it behind. Once in the kitchen, he made coffee and stopped when he heard Michael in the shower. He sank into the chair with his drink and pondered over the events of the past week. So much had happened yet they’d talked about so little of it.

He wished he knew what to do to help Michael, to shatter the illusion he’d built. Alex didn’t know how to get through to him and help him see reason but he also wasn’t ready to push him into going back to Roswell where he ran the risk of coming face to face with Max Evans. He’d been to therapy for his leg but he wasn’t qualified to help anyone else with trauma, he was barely handling his own.

The minutes ticked by while Michael showered and still Alex tried to think of what to say to him when he finally reappeared. He finished his coffee and rinsed the mug, put it away before Michael even appeared. Still not having reached a decision, Alex took the opportunity to shower himself.

When he emerged from the bathroom, the cabin was empty but he didn’t panic this time. He simply opened the front door and found Michael on the porch. Alex didn’t say a word, just walked towards him and sank down next to him. They sat side by side for a while until Michael reached for Alex’s hand and just held it, still without saying a word. Alex didn’t know if this was a normal reaction or not but if this was what Michael felt he needed then Alex would follow his lead.

“I wish we could stay here forever” Michael whispered.

“Get a bit boring, wouldn’t it?” Alex asked.

“We never struggled to find ways to pass the time”

“There’s no TV though”

“We could get one” Michael shrugged “but it’s not like my trailer has one”

“So you… Don’t want to go back to the airstream just yet?”

“You eager to get rid of me?”

“Never” Alex insisted “I just… I guess I wanted to make sure you weren’t sick of me yet”

“I know I have to go back eventually” Michael confessed “I’m just not ready… not yet”

“It’s okay, you can stay here as long as you need to, Guerin”

Michael nodded his head in understanding but continued staring into the middle distance.

“It’s just… You can’t stay, can you?” Michael asked him.

“Only till tomorrow” Alex admitted “then I have to go back to the base but it’s only for a few more weeks… then my hours will slowly ease right off until then end of my enlistment period”

“You uh you’re not thinking of reupping?”

“What?”

“I mean, you’re ready to leave the Air Force?”

“Yeah, I’m done… I’ve given more than I ever wanted to give them”

“What will you do once you’re free?”

“I don’t know” there was a sense of exhilaration in his tone “I really don’t know”

“You can do anything you want, Alex, go anywhere you want”

“Why would you say that?”

“I just meant that you don’t have to stay in Roswell”

“I know that” Alex agreed “but it’s not like I have anywhere else in mind to go”

“Or anything keeping you in Roswell?”

Alex didn’t say anything but brought Michael’s hand up to his lips and kissed his palm.

“I can think of a fair share of reasons to stay” Alex whispered.

“Like this sweet ass cabin?” Michael asked him.

“Among other things” he agreed.

They both fell silent; both aware of what the other was not saying. Alex knew what Michael was hinting at and he knew he should tell him that he’d stay forever if Michael asked him to but he wasn’t going to put that pressure on him, not given what he was going through right now. Yet he didn’t want Michael to think he was staying _because_ of what had happened either. Alex was tempted to ask Michael if he’d go with him, should he decide to leave but again he didn’t want to add to Michael’s stress so they simply sat together on the porch, staring at nothing, just holding each other’s hand.

“I couldn’t stop him” Michael whispered, still looking into the distance and not at Alex. “I actually begged, pleaded… but it didn’t make any difference”

Alex squeezed his hand in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture and he saw Michael squeeze his eyes shut, blinking back tears. A part of him wanted him to cry, to get his emotions out like he’d done earlier but Michael simply reached up, his hand slipped from Alex’s grasp, and he wiped his eyes.

“Come on, let’s go back inside” he got to his feet then helped Alex up too.

Michael took the lead and Alex followed behind. Once inside, Alex watched as Michael paced the room for a few minutes before moving over to the cupboard and emerged with a faded chess set.

“I found this while you were…” Michael trailed off.

“Kyle and I used to play every summer” Alex admitted “he always beat me”

“Did you let him win?”

“Of course, he was one sore loser” Michael chuckled and the sound made Alex smile.

“Will you play with me?” Michael asked him. “Please?”

“I’d love to… after lunch?”

Michael made a face but reluctantly agreed. He even ate the sandwich Alex placed in front of him but once everything had been cleaned up and put away, they settled at the kitchen table; Alex made coffee for himself and handed Michael a beer then they passed the afternoon and early evening paying chess. It was surprisingly relaxing. Every so often, their eyes would meet and they’d share a small smile. Dinner time came and went but they continued to play, neither one wanted to break the spell, the illusion that everything was okay and they were a perfectly happy couple.

Alex’s phone went off in the bedroom and he cursed, excused himself and went to answer it. Liz wasn’t making a great deal of sense as she ranted in a mix of English and Spanish but Alex managed to get the gist of it. Something had happened and they were desperately looking for Michael. He didn’t know why Liz was telling him this but assumed she was just worried and needed someone to vent to so he listened and assured her everything would be okay while deep inside, his heart was breaking. He didn’t want to have to be the one to tell Michael something bad had happened.

Liz kept him on the phone a long time, he sank down on the bed to listen to her but didn’t say much himself, just listened to her until she eventually ran out of things to say. He said he’d meet her the following afternoon and the idea of seeing a friendly face seemed to appease her. When he ended the call, he dropped the phone and just stared at it. Shaking in his head, he sighed but when he looked up, Michael was standing in the doorway, staring at him.

“I have to go back, don’t I?” Michael asked him.

Alex held out his hand and Michael moved toward him, grasped his hand and sank down on the bed next to him.

“That was Liz” Alex explained.

“I figured”

“She said that Max and Isobel are worried because they can’t find you and it’s not like you to just run off”

“I guess that letter wasn’t such a good idea after all”

“Did you uh say anything about me? I mean, I don’t understand why Liz would call me about you… She doesn’t know about… you know… us”

“Nobody knows, Alex… I swear, maybe she’s just worried about Max” he sighed “and she reached out to her friend for comfort… You’re a good friend, Alex”

“Am I? Because I just lied to my best friend… Told her I’d have no idea where you are but, she too, seems to think that you were involved with the destruction of the Air Force land especially since you appear to have skipped town right after it happened”

“I never meant to drag you into all this, Alex” Michael whispered.

“I know” Alex assured him.

“But I’m really glad you’re here with me right now”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be”

“I told you I wasn’t ready to go back and… I’m still not”

“You don’t have to. I’ll meet up with Liz tomorrow afternoon and find out what’s going on”

Michael shook his head as he blinked back tears.

“That won’t be good enough” he explained “especially not for Isobel. She won’t… Won’t give up until she sees me and can be assured that everything is fine”

“But… is it? Are you really going to be able to convince her of that? I mean, how are you going to tell her what Max did to you?”

“She’ll understand because it wasn’t Max”

“Guerin-”

“It wasn’t Max! Alex, please? Just… Please?”

“I’m sorry but… you can’t just live in a constant state of denial”

“I don’t expect you to understand, Alex, I just need you to believe me”

“Well... We might just have to agree to disagree on that one”

“I wish…” Michael paused, swallowed “this will make sense to you, one day, I hope… I swear… Please, Alex?”

Alex wrapped his arm around Michael and held him; Liz had sounded worried, he was certain she’d said something had happened to Max or Isobel and he knew he needed to tell Michael as such but Liz didn’t know Michael was here with him so she wasn’t really expecting him to get the message, was she?

“Will you take me home in the morning, Alex?” Michael asked him.

“Are you sure that’s what you really want?” Alex replied.

“I want to stay here with you for one more night before I have to…”

“Face reality”

Michael nodded in Alex’s embrace while they held onto each other for what felt like both the longest and shortest night of their lives.


	12. Chapter 12

Michael awoke with a feeling of dread inside his chest but he rolled over and his eyes rested upon Alex who was sleeping so peacefully beside him that he slowly reached out and stroked his face, finger barely touching the skin from fear of waking him. He knew there was something Alex wasn’t telling him about the phone call with Liz, he also knew that Alex didn’t believe him about his attacker. Michael _wanted_ Alex to understand; he knew he could tell him the truth but he wouldn’t betray Max and Isobel, not after Max had already betrayed them. It was still their secret, it was bad enough both Liz and Kyle knew, they couldn’t afford anyone else to. Too many cooks in the kitchen was dangerous but he also longed for the day he _could_ be entirely truthful with Alex. He sighed as he retracted his hand.

“I love you” Michael whispered to Alex’s sleeping form.

He reluctantly slipped out of bed, placed Alex’s prosthetic within reaching distance then he quietly left the room. Michael moved about the kitchen, preparing breakfast for both of them, had just finished the coffee when he heard Alex approaching and turned to smile at him.

“You’re awake” he greeted him.

“Did you sleep _at all_?” Alex asked.

“I uh… Not really… I mean, I guess, a bit”

“It’s okay, I get it”

Michael handed the mug to Alex and waited for him to sit down before bringing a plate to the table for him.

“Do you, though?” he quietly asked.

“What?”

“Get it?”

“Guerin, you…” Alex sighed. “What happened to you was traumatic-”

“So you keep saying”

He watched as Alex raised the mug to his lips and observed Michael over the rim of the cup.

“I just meant…” he paused. “I understand why you’re nervous to go back to Roswell… To see Max after…”

“It wasn’t _Max_ ”

“So _you_ keep saying”

“Alex” he sighed and sank down in the chair opposite rubbed the bridge of his nose. “One day you’ll understand”

“I do understand, Guerin… That you need help… Maybe bringing you here wasn’t the smartest idea; I’m not qualified to help you through this”

“No one is, Alex!”

“Guerin, you can’t see what’s happening here… You’ve created a fantasy to help you cope but it’s not healthy. You can’t just bury your head and pretend-”

“I’m not!” Michael shouted.

Behind him, the shelf above the sink cracked sending cups crashing to the floor; both Alex and Michael turned to look at them but instead of picking up the pieces, Michael got to his feet and stormed from the room. He marched right out the front door and sank down on the front step. His hands were shaking and he buried his face in them as he fought back tears.

He _hated_ this; he hated what the alien had done to him and what the lingering effects were doing to his relationship with Alex. He wanted to tell him, to show him, to make him understand. He longed for Alex to know the truth, to know the real him… and if this wasn’t the factor to make him do it, then he probably never would. It was a secret he’d kept from him all these years. Max had told Liz and they weren’t even together… Michael loved Alex with every fibre of his being and he truly believed Alex felt the same. Liz hadn’t run away, hadn’t been afraid of Max after learning his secret… Surely Alex would be the same?

Michael _refused_ to cry; not again, not because of what that _thing_ had done to him. He didn’t want the other alien to think he’d beaten him. Michael was much stronger than that… Especially when he had Alex by his side. Alex had been nothing but gentle and kind and tender with him. Alex _loved_ him. He saw it in the way Alex cared for him, the way Alex touched him. He _wanted_ to tell him the truth… But he needed to talk to Max and Isobel first. He needed to see Max and…

‘I’ll destroy what you love’

Spectre Max’s voice was still in his head… The alien had threatened to destroy him but he hadn’t, not really. Michael was still here, still in one piece and he still had Alex… But what if he told Alex the truth and he couldn’t accept him for what he really was? Then the spectre _would_ have won, would have succeeded in destroying the only thing in the World that mattered to him, aside from Max and Isobel of course.

He sighed and shook his head, tried to clear his thoughts. Michael needed to get back to Roswell; he needed to tell Max and Isobel the truth of what had happened to him and then he needed their help to tell Alex the truth too. He buried his face in his hands again, rubbed at his eyes before squeezed them shut.

Michael heard the front door open then close and listened to Alex’s approaching footsteps. He didn’t turn around, didn’t look up at him, just waited. Face still buried in his hands as Alex slowly sat down beside him. For a long time, neither of them said anything but when he felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder, he didn’t flinch away though he did resist reaching up to place his hand on top.

“I’m sorry” Alex whispered. “I uh seem to be saying that a lot lately” 

He kept his eyes closed, tried to draw strength from Alex’s hand on him. Michael wanted to apologize but his voice failed him, he’d lost control of his abilities in front of Alex. That was something he hadn’t done in a long time and he couldn’t look at him, what if Alex looked at him differently now? He knew Alex didn’t think he was weak but there was so much sympathy behind his eyes now.

“If this is what you really want” Alex began “we can drive back to Roswell as soon as you’re ready”

“You really mean it?” Michael whispered.

“I… Promised Liz, I‘d check in on her this afternoon so” he sighed “I won’t go back without you, not unless you want to stay here longer”

“No… I need to do this… I need to see Isobel, talk to her, make sure she’s okay”

Michael finally looked up and met Alex’s gaze; there was so much worry, love, concern behind his deep orbs that he was prepared to just lose himself in those eyes for the rest of his life. Fuck, he wanted to kiss him; wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold on even if just for a few minutes. All he really wanted to do was tell him how much he loved him but he couldn’t do that, not right now… Not while he was lying through his teeth to him. No, he had to keep all thoughts or talk of love at bay until he could be truly honest with Alex about _everything_. He needed Alex to know Max hadn’t done this and he needed him to believe it.

“Are you sure?” Alex asked very quietly.

“Yes” his voice shook but he was determined “yes, I’m sure”

“Okay”

*

The drive from the cabin to Roswell wasn’t exactly awkward but both were very aware of the uncertainty the other was feeling. Alex turned the radio on just for background noise but feared that would give the impression he didn’t want to talk should Michael feel like opening up so he turned it off again. Michael watched him out the corner of his eye, their gazes met and they both smiled then quickly looked away. Under other circumstances it would probably be funny or at least entertaining but as they drove closer and closer to town, Michael’s hands began to tremble so he balled them into fists, his nails digging into his skin.

“Alex?” Michael whispered.

“What? Guerin, are you okay?” Alex didn’t hesitate to pull the car over and kill the engine. He reached for Michael’s shaking hand.

“Yeah, sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, you can talk to me”

“Can uh can you maybe take me home first?”

“You wanna go to the junkyard?”

“The air-stream… I uh I just need to change and I dunno, maybe some familiarity?”

“Okay, we can do that”

Alex squeezed Michael’s hand then raised it to his lips to gently kiss the back of his palm. Michael smiled as Alex’s soft lips caressed his skin and he forced himself to hold back a sigh of content. He was already wishing they hadn’t come back, that they’d just stayed at the cabin alone together. Surely it wasn’t selfish to want to be happy and content alone in a cabin in the woods, just him and Alex. He reluctantly retracted his hand then turned to look out the window.

Once his air-stream was within sight, his nerves flared up again. He didn’t want to ask Alex to stay and babysit him but he didn’t want to be alone either; Michael hoped Alex wasn’t going to just leave him there especially since he had no idea where his truck was. 

They both climbed out of the car, Alex left his crutch behind, and they made their way to the trailer. Michael was almost hesitant to open the door, afraid of what or who he might find. He stepped inside and looked around, wishing he hadn’t been so behind on his washing. When he turned around it was to find Alex staring at a piece of paper that was pinned to the wall with some scribbled equations. His heart skipped a beat but he quickly looked away and hoped Alex wouldn’t say anything. Michael _was_ grateful Alex hadn’t abandoned him yet then scolded himself for even thinking the man would. He should’ve known Alex wouldn’t just leave him, not after…. Everything.

He rummaged in his closet and found some semi clean clothes then looked to Alex who simply nodded his head in understanding and turned around to give Michael some privacy. He didn’t know exactly how he felt about that. It was so very sweet and so _Alex_ for him to be that respectful but they’d seen each other naked on several occasions so why the modesty now?

When he was finally ready, Michael left the trailer then held his hand out to help Alex who still wasn’t quite used to not having the crutch to rely on. He was agile and graceful sure but the trailer and the steps weren’t easy to navigate when your balance was off. Still no words were spoken between the two as they returned to the car and both got in. Michael felt marginally better now that he’d changed his clothes. He looked to Alex who stared right back. A simple raised eyebrow was all the question he poised and Michael only nodded his head in response. It was time.

The drive across town took no time at all and when Alex’s truck pulled up outside Isobel’s house, they were both surprised to see not only Max’s jeep but both Liz and Kyle’s cars. Michael felt a chill down his spine; he wasn’t ready to see so many people, especially not Kyle Valenti even after hearing those kind words he’d said to Alex.

If Michael had things his way, Kyle wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Alex ever again.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked; his voice was so very gentle, like he knew how difficult this would be for Michael.

“No” Michael confessed. He wasn’t ashamed to let his guard down in front of him.

“That’s a lot more people than you were anticipating, right?”

“Yeah”

“Did you want me to go in and get Isobel? I can bring her out here to you, maybe?”

“Nah… I don’t want you going in there”

He didn’t mean for it to sound so cruel but he noticed the way Alex’s face fell, like Michael’s words actually hurt him.

“No, Alex” he hurriedly tried to correct himself “I didn’t mean… I just…” he paused. “This wasn’t how I envisioned everyone finding out about us”

“Guerin-” Alex started but Michael quickly but him off.

“I mean, I know there is no _us_ right now but there was once and… I mean… I was prepared to tell Is that day she almost caught you in my bed but-” 

“So now this is my fault?”

Michael closed his eyes as his face fell and he reached up to rub his tired eyes.

“No, of course not” he sighed “Alex, I… I don’t want you caught up in this any more than you already are”

“Guerin-”

“Alex”

“Would you just trust me, please? This is new territory for both of us but I know what I’m doing…” it was his turn to pause “we just need to tell a little white lie or two”

“How do you figure?”

“You don’t want me going in there and getting Isobel… I don’t want to send you in there alone… So we go together. Kyle knows I was at the cabin and Liz called me last night… I’ll tell them I came back because my friend needed me. Maybe I just happened to find you along the way?”

It was just plausible enough that it might work so Michael nodded in agreement and several minutes later they were making their way up the path to Isobel’s front door. As the house drew nearer, Michael found himself reaching for Alex’s hand and he closed his eyes, drawing strength from the familiar comfort of Alex’s hand on his. Once they reached the front step, Michael was very reluctant to let go.

Any second now he was going to be face to face with the _real_ Max but he wasn’t sure he was entirely prepared for it. He took several deep breaths, smiled when Alex affectionately squeezed his hand and offered him a comforting smile of his own. It took a great deal of strength for him to release Alex’s hand and reach for the doorbell.

The sound was like gunfire in his ears; everything sounded louder and more vibrant these days, was that normal? When the door opened and Michael found himself face to face with Isobel, his entire bravado faltered and his eyes filled with tears. In that brief moment, Isobel’s face went from utter fear to relief at seeing that Michael was alive and in one piece but the second he threw his arms around her and broke down in tears, her eyes sought Alex’s and she shot him a very confused look.

“Is” Michael sobbed “Oh Is”

He pulled her close and clung to her as though he was afraid to let go. His entire body was shaking as he sobbed but her small body was equally as strong as she returned his embrace. Michael didn’t hear a word she said but he felt her pulling him into the house and off the front step. Once the door closed behind them, he heard the murmurs of voices and the surprise in Kyle’s voice at Alex’s arrival.

“Manes? What are… Why are you here?” Kyle asked him.

“Liz called last night; she was worried so I drove back to town this morning and… found a hitchhiker”

The next voice that filled the room sent horrible shivers through Michael’s entire body.

“It’s good to see you, Michael” Max Evans said “we’ve been so worried about you”

When Max moved towards Michael to greet him with a hug, he instinctively pulled away. Michael couldn’t help stepped behind Isobel. It was a terrifying sight as the image of the shape-shifter filled his mind and all he could think about was the way the spectre had taunted him, beat him, hurt him.

It wasn’t until Max stepped up close and reached out a hand to touch Michael that everything shifted. For Max had barely taken a single step before he was stopped in his tracks by a fist to his jaw but it wasn’t Michael who threw the punch, it was Alex.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex had never been the violent type; despite the years spent living and fighting in a warzone, he knew how to hold his own but he never liked to initiate a fight. Had learned to use force only to defend himself and never to attack but seeing Max Evans and _knowing_ what the man had done to Michael just filled him with rage. The punch connected with Max’s jaw and it felt good but it wasn’t enough. He needed to do more to protect Michael and was already prepared to throw a second when he felt a hand on his, stopping him.

When he blinked, he realized Liz had thrown herself between Alex and Max in a bid to defend him and Kyle’s firm hand was wrapped around Alex’s wrist, holding him back. His heart was racing, anger still filled him as his eyes flared and shifted between Kyle and Liz. _Why_ were they stopping him?

The hand on his chest was what finally made him cease his movements and he paused, looked down to see Michael’s scarred hand over his heart. He slowly cast his eyes from Michael’s hand, up to his face where his eyes were filled with tears and many more emotions. Alex didn’t know what to say or do but he felt himself begin to ease, the tension slowly seeped from him as he held Michael’s gaze and Kyle released him.

“What the hell is going on here?” Alex demanded; his eyes darted to Kyle. “Why are you defending _him_?”

“I’m not” Kyle tried to explain.

Alex’s eyes shifted to focus purely on Michael; he was his only priority right now. Something was happening though for no one had said a word yet somehow Max, Isobel and Michael had stepped away. Alex only looked at Michael, tried to read his body language and noticed he was drawing closer to Isobel and away from Max. When he saw Max reach out a hand, Alex yelled.

“Don’t you _dare_ touch him!” his voice was louder than he intended but it worked for Max immediately pulled back.

“Alex, are you okay?” Liz asked him. She looked worried for his sanity but nowhere near as freaked out as she’d been on the phone the previous night.

“Did you play me, Liz?” Alex turned on her now; anger still pumping through him.

“What do you…?”

“Last night, when you called me… all worried about Max and Isobel, saying they were in a frenzy”

“He was there, wasn’t he?” Kyle asked in a very low voice as to not be overheard by the three in the corner.

“What?” Alex frowned.

“Guerin was at the cabin with you, wasn’t he?”

“Kyle-”

“That’s why you didn’t want me going into the bedroom. You were harbouring a fugitive?”

“He’s _not_ a fugitive”

“Alex?” Michael’s voice was low and gentle but to him it was a beacon and Alex hurried over to him, glaring at Max the entire time.

“Guerin?” Alex reached out a hand but this time Michael pulled away from _him_.

“I need some time to talk to Max and Isobel” he explained.

“I’m not leaving you here”

“Alex, please? You have to go with Liz and Kyle” his eyes darted over Alex’s shoulder. “and they’ll explain everything”

“What?” Liz asked as Kyle said “What?”

“He’s right” Max said as he moved towards Liz, took her hand and looked into her eyes. “It’s time and I trust you, Liz”

“Max?”

“Please, Liz? Alex is your friend”

“What’s going on?” Alex asked again as he looked to Michael.

“I said that I hoped one day you’d understand” Michael explained “and turns out that day is today” he paused and took a deep breath “but please… try to keep an open mind”

“Guerin?”

Michael reached up, placed his hands upon Alex’s neck and looked into his eyes. They were doing a terrible job of hiding their feeling for each other from everyone else but neither really cared right now.

“Remember what I said” he whispered “about seventeen-year-old me and know that everything I felt for you was real”

“Guerin-”

“Liz, Kyle?” Michael looked over at them both. “Don’t hold back, he needs to know everything”

Liz stepped forward and gently prised Alex away from Michael.

He didn’t want to let him go, couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Michael alone with Max and Isobel. Why did no one else seem bothered by this? Why wasn’t Michael as weirded out as Alex thought he should be? What truth were they about to drop on him?

Kyle moved forward and placed his hand on Alex’s arm but Alex didn’t look away from Michael’s face as he was led from the room, out the back door and into the yard. Liz pushed the door closed and the three of them made their way out to the lawn chairs. Kyle helped Alex sit down and rest his leg.

“This better not take long” Alex declared. “I can’t leave Michael in there with _him_ ”

“Manes, what is your deal with Evans all of a sudden?” Kyle asked.

“Guerin blew up the Air Force land” Alex explained. Neither Liz or Kyle appeared surprised to hear this. “I followed him out there and saw Max fleeing the scene in Michael’s truck… and found Michael, beaten and barely conscious in the debris”

“It wasn’t Max” Liz explained. “He was with me at the Crashdown that night until well after closing”

“I saw him with my own eyes, Liz” Alex argued.

“You probably just think you saw him” Kyle added “or maybe you saw someone who looked like him”

“A doppelganger?”

Both Liz and Kyle exchanged a look and Liz sank down in the chair beside Alex, she reached for his hand and looked at him sympathetically.

“I’m sorry for the deception, Alex” Liz began “but Max was pretty sure that if Michael needed help, he’d turn to you… that’s why he had me call you. Figured you’d have a way of contacting him or knowing where he was at least”

“How long have you known? About… that?” Alex asked.

“Just since yesterday… Once Max got really desperate to find Michael”

“And how did _he_ know?” he felt uneasy, knowing Max had known about them.

“I don’t know… I… Didn’t ask”

“Guerin was there, wasn’t he?” Kyle asked again. “At the cabin?”

“Yeah” Alex replied with a sigh. “He was”

“I knew you had a guy stashed there”

“Kyle!” Liz hissed.

“Did you tell him about the bunker?”

“What bunker?” she asked.

“No, I… Didn’t say a word”

Liz placed her other hand atop of Alex’s so she was holding his in both hers then she looked into his eyes, took a deep breath.

“Alex, I swear, whatever you think you saw… It wasn’t Max” she started “because he was with me the entire time”

“Then what did I see?” Alex asked “if it wasn’t him then who was it?”

“Not who… what” Kyle added.

“What?” Alex frowned.

“Alex” Liz started again. “You saw… an alien who could make itself _look_ like Max”

Alex’s laugh sounded more like an exhale of disbelief as he shook his head.

“You expect me to believe I saw an alien?” he chuckled.

“It’s not that far-fetched” Kyle added. “I mean, Guerin… Max… Isobel… They’re aliens too”

This time Alex really did laugh.

“It’s true, Alex” Liz explained. “The night I came back to town when Wyatt Long shot up the Crashdown… I got shot and Max used his powers to save my life… He shared his secret with me… His secret, Isobel’s secret and Michael’s”

“No” Alex replied. “No… Just no…”

“Alex-”

“If Michael was an alien… I would _know_ ”

“How?” Kyle spoke up “because you had a thing for him ten years ago? How well do you _really_ know him?”

Alex averted his eyes, looked down at his hand which was holding Liz’s rather tightly.

“I _know_ him, Kyle” Alex insisted “and he’s not… they’re not… they can’t be”

“I swear I’m telling the truth” Liz continued “the crash in ’47 was real… it was their ship and they were in a sort of stasis that stopped them from aging… They crawled out and were found as kids, wandering the desert”

“No… That’s just… crazy”

“It’s true” Kyle added “I’ve seen Max’s blood under a microscope… he’s not human”

“I know what I saw…” 

“And we believe you” Liz replied “because we’ve seen it too”

“You’ve been at the cabin with Guerin these past few days?” Kyle asked him.

“Yes” Alex replied.

“And he wasn’t acting weird or anything?”

“He was acting like someone who’d experienced a massive trauma after…” he trailed off.

“Alex, you have to believe us” Liz continued. “Max, Isobel, Michael… They came here in 1947”

“And your dad knew about it” Kyle added.

“What?” Alex gasped.

“He’s part of a Government cover-up” Kyle said.

“No, no, no…” Alex said as he shook his head “This is just crazy”

“But it’s true” Kyle said to him.

“Max didn’t hurt Michael, okay? It was an alien who could shapeshift” Liz explained.

“How do you know all this?” Alex asked them.

Liz and Kyle exchanged a look.

“Because while Michael was out in the desert blowing up the army land” Liz started “Max was with me at the Crashdown… But things got complicated the next day when Max saw Michael’s truck had been caught on a traffic camera for speeding and Max was behind the wheel. He checked the time stamp and that’s when he called me… Isobel called Max and said she hadn’t been able to get in touch with Michael and with all the security and the buzz about the destruction of the army land…” she trailed off again.

“It didn’t take long for everyone to realize Michael was missing” Kyle added “but seeing Max behind the wheel of Michael’s truck and knowing it wasn’t really him… We had to up our game… So Liz and I worked one angle while Max and Isobel did whatever they did and we all came up empty”

“Until a… weirdly lucky break came our way”

“What kind of break?” Alex asked.

“You” Kyle stated.

“Me?” Alex frowned.

“Maria called me” Liz continued. “Said you were acting really strange at the Wild Pony so Kyle went to suss it out and he brought up seeing you at the cabin but you apparently had no idea what he was talking about”

“Me being me, I decided to conduct some research… I kicked you in the shin and it wasn’t a prosthesis” 

“What are you saying?” Alex asked.

“This shapeshifter turned into _you_ to hide in plain sight or maybe to gain access to military files” Kyle said. “We had to catch him before your father did”

“And… did you?”

Liz and Kyle exchanged a look.

“We did” Liz replied. “He’s locked up at Max’s place”

“What?” Alex gasped.

This was too crazy to process. Michael _wasn’t_ an alien; he couldn’t possibly be. Neither could Max and Isobel but the idea of his father being involved in a government cover up wasn’t so far-fetched. Why Alex found his dad being alien obsessed more believable than Michael actually being one he wasn’t sure.

“This is crazy” Alex stated.

“I know it sounds nuts but it’s all true” Kyle added. “We can take you to Max’s right now and show you _your_ doppelganger”

“We probably should do that anyway” Liz spoke up. “Or at least let people see Max and Alex together so if anyone finds other Alex at Max’s they won’t get suspicious”

“I’m not going anywhere near Max” Ale insisted. “Not without punching him again”

“Whatever you think you saw him do to Michael; it wasn’t really him” Liz insisted.

“It’s going to take me some time to… process all this”

“I get it; it took me time to get my head around it too” Liz agreed.

“Same” Kyle added. “It is a lot to accept”

“Yeah well” Alex paused as he pulled his hand free of Liz’s grasp. “It’s not either of you have…” he trailed off.

“I’m going to go back inside and check in with them” Liz said. She leaned over to hug Alex but he pulled away. Liz shrugged and got to her feet but once she was far enough away, Kyle turned to look at him.

“Sex, huh?” Kyle teased.

“Kyle!”

“Well, that’s what you were going to say right? That neither of us have fucked an alien?”

Alex shifted somewhat uncomfortably under Kyle’s smirk.

“I stopped myself from saying it” Alex added.

“So, you and Guerin actually…?”

“Yeah”

“After Prom, right? The way he came running to defend you when you and I got into that punch up”

“It wasn’t that night but yeah it was back in high school”

“And you’re still… close?”

Alex sighed.

“I guess this just shows we were never as close as I thought we were” he said.

“Why? Because he was a kid and didn’t tell you his deepest, darkest secret?” Kyle pressed.

“Yet they told _you_?”

“Hey, Liz was the one who told me and that was because…” he paused. “We found out Rosa’s accident was actually murder and she thought Max was involved but-”

“Wait, what? Why didn’t you start with _that_?”

“Well now we know there are _other_ aliens out there” he paused again. “Look, Rosa’s death isn’t the issue here… unless this shapeshifter killed her ten years ago but we don’t know that yet and-”

“Kyle, I… just don’t now if I can snap my fingers and just believe all this”

“I get it, it’s a lot to take in”

“If Michael was an alien, I… I would _know_ … Wouldn’t I?”

“It’s not that I didn’t _want_ to tell you”

Both Alex and Kyle looked up to see Michael walking towards them.

“Kyle, can uh can you give us a minute?” Michael asked him. “Please?”

“That okay with you?” Kyle asked Alex who nodded his consent.

Kyle got to his feet and walked back towards the house. He crossed paths with Michael and they exchanged a knowing look, a nod of the head before Michael moved closer. Alex saw the way he hesitated to sit down beside him. There was a nervousness in his demeanour that Alex had never seen before.

“Are you okay?” Michael whispered.

The fear in his voice broke Alex’s heart. He knew his next words would be ones Michael never forgot, he’d have to choose them very carefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the updates to this story have been so erratic; I'm honestly just not feeling this anymore but I do intend to finish it eventually so for those who've stuck around for it, thank you! I promise there will be an actual ending I just don't know when


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